first i find out that i'm addicted, then i realize that my life is sh*t

I just saw Platoon.



God... have you guys seen that movie?! I know I'm a little late in the game, but still! Jesus!

How can you watch something like that and then go about your life normally without feeling completely irrelevant and useless?!

ARGH!

First off, let me explain my heading for today. Earlier in the evening I found out that I was an addict. Chris, Sophia, and I had just come from the El Capitan theatre (they screened Nigthmare Before Christmas in 3-D and WE HAD to go see it), and Sophia suggested we stop by Hot Topic so she could invest in some "Halloween costume comparison shopping". We went, and waited, and while we were there I bought some fake Sugar Shoes.

Anyone in LA will tell you that for the last 4 months I have been desperately wanting a pair of Sugar Shoes. Specifically? The Smokin Cat or Hook Up Cat brands... any and all colors, if possible. So you can imagine my euphoria when I finally got the chance to own a fake(cheap) pair of my own, a snazzy set with black and white stripes and a blue star on the corner.



I loved them. I loved everything about them- the idea of them, the fact that I owned them, and the mere presence of them in my closet. So much so, that I started to become hungry for the chance to accessorize them with matching clothes.

And that's when it happened. I went shopping.
And spent $100 on CLOTHES.

I don't know how. I don't remember a thing. All I can recall is my walking into the store, and then I have blank spots in my memory until I found myself back home, tired, hungry, and somewhat lighter in my (new)purse.

Astounded I was- yes, my friends, this tomboy had suddenly relinquished her dark side on the world- and even more was my shock when I realized that I was still ansy for more. I HAD to shop again, and tonight. I was addicted, and the one and only thing that could stop me from self destruction was immediately the first comfort I ran towards:

I watched a movie.

My heart and soul. My warmth on a cold morning. The thing that drives me, that brings the life into my flesh. My movies.

If there was ever a picture of pure happiness in the encyclopedia that is Summer, you would see a combination of 5 things. Family, Friends, Cats, Books, and Movies. And in those moments in life when I find myself at my worst, I throw my all into one of those in a last ditch effort to save myself.

And so I saw Platoon. I saw the realism of hate, war, fear & pain. I saw what countless people have gone through since the beginning of time, and what they are undoubtedly going through right now as we speak. Most importantly: I saw my own ignorance towards it all and the contemptuous bubble I live in.

And I realized that my life is sh*t.

And now I don't know what to do.