The meaning of (my) life

I've thought it over since my last post. I was really stressed, so I started cleaning my room (has it come to that?!) when I found my peace corp book:



I finished reading it a couple weeks ago... it's pretty good. Kris Holloway (the peace corp volunteer who wrote it) is not a professed writer but she does a good job in telling her story. It's about how Monique (pictured), the only midwife in a small village in the African country of Mali, saved and changed the lives of hundreds of Malian women.

And while I looked at the book in my obsessive drudgery, the lights turned on.

I know why I am alive! I was put on this earth to make a difference.

Now, this might sound a bit crazy (or- OMG!- corny) but let me explain... All my life I have been pulled by this hunger to reach out and touch people. I have written stories since the day I was born, and when I started growing some intellect I also put as much effort in trying to help those in need of it. I was on the newspaper at the same time that I was a physical trainer. I wrote novels with Brandi and drove with Chau to give dinners to the homeless. While in film school I was the vice president of the SGA, and wrote on an underground student paper created for the sole purpose of taking down the corrupt administration. In stages, I have wanted to join the army, the red cross, and now the peace corps. I struggle with myself to figure out which I want most- to help the world or to write about it.

BUT THATS WHEN IT ALL BECAME CLEAR! Filmmakers and writers make a difference too! Boo to you who think that filmmaking is all about the pretty lights and explosions, or that books are for teachers or mothers with nothing to do. A prime example of how the art of storytelling can change lives is through studying Oliver Stone, who in his need to tell of his experience in Vietnam has affected the lives of the millions of people who viewed his tale. Veterans who were alienated from their friends and family could finally feel that someone understood, and also used the chance to try and get their loved ones to see how it was when no other form of communicating about it worked. And young ones like me, who have ever experienced anything and would never have a clue about the effects of war on the people involved, can learn as well, and grow from it.

!!!!

I'm happy again. Not completely- this doesn't clear up my issue of what I need to do with the next few years of my life- but at least now I have a map to hold on to when I question the way. I know what my ultimate purpose is. Whether I'm meant to find it through obscurity or through fame I don't know, I admit I hope for the latter, but at least the fog has cleared, and I can see the road.