Everyone on the internet is a big, fat liar

It's true.

Since the day I decided to join the Peace Corps I have been scared shitless. Undecided. Aggitated. Unsure. I have had fear so strong that my whole day is spent listlessly on my bed while my mind does sprints around me deciding which direction to lead my life.

I have also had my good days, GREAT days, where my mind is clear and my heart is happy and the angels sing in the sky. These days are stronger and more frequent than the aforementioned ones- and they steer me along and I am glad for it- but I don't ever want anyone to think I am blind to my fear.

I have fear. It lives with me. I wake with it, eat with it, and slowly become more comfortable with it. It does not go away, but I do not ignore it. Therefore (and most importantly):

IT DOES NOT GET STRONGER.

I have been steadily collecting bookmarks and links online of favorite blogs from Peace Corps volunteers (present and past), as well as a bigger library of books and videos I rent and read, and articles I study, to add to my knowledge of the PC experience. So far it's been great homework- the community soup we call the 'internet' is endless and my growing hunger never wants- and happily there has been a great unbalance between the people who loved the Peace Corps and the people who hated it (heavy on the first option). But one thing irks me.

No one mentions their fears.

Come on guys- we're all human here! So we like to embellish a little... it's the internet, after all, and we can if we want. But don't tell me NO ONE was a little afraid, a little hesitant... was NO ONE unsure of signing their life away for TWO WHOLE YEARS? Did NO ONE have something else they could be doing, someone else they could be spending that time with?

Is no one else afraid?

*sigh*

I have been searching the ends of cyberspace looking for someone who admits to their fear, and who eventually conquers it. Endlessly, and vainly. Well, NO MORE. THIS STOPS RIGHT HERE.

I stand before you, naked. Hello World, I am Summer, and I am afraid. And I am proud of it. So don't worry, my fellow PC padawans... if you happened upon my blog looking for someone who feels a little like you, look no more. You're in the right place, and you're not alone.

We will get through this together.