Blue

Darryl left today. :(

It's funny how he always goes off on vacation before me and returns after I come back. It's like I'm destined to miss him.

Ooohhh.... it's SO not fun being alone. Loneliness is probably the worst feeling ever. It's worse than fear or sadness. With fear or sadness there's an action that goes along with it. Even if I was by myself I would still have my tears or screams to talk to me. But loneliness- that's a doosy. With loneliness you can be surrounded by people at home and you'd feel lost and defenseless...

vulnerable...

alone.

And it's not one of those "I miss Darryl" type of feelings- it's one of those "I'm home and I can hear a pin drop and I don't know what to do with my arms or legs or self because I've never had myself as company and I feel like I'm with a stranger, while he's out there and I can't see him" types of loneliness.

Ugh.

I've only felt this way 3 times in my life, and 2 of those times were because of Darryl. The first was when I sat down on my wooden dorm bed and watched my parents drive away and leave me in an unknown city the day before college started. That was 3 years ago. Thought I'd be used to it by now.

And yet- somehow- the feeling just gets worse every time.