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Originally uploaded by itzkoolaid.

Peter having lunch with me at the tar pits. (See 3 posts ago for the tar pits pic). Pete wasn't expecting me to pull out my camera that day so the half-uncomfortable smile wasn't planned.

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Originally uploaded by itzkoolaid.

Me at my desk at E!

second time in two months
fourth time in five
if i get sick every other day
why am i still alive?



i hate being sick

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Originally uploaded by itzkoolaid.

The Filmmaker House calms down for the night with a little (or should I say big?) R & R.

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Originally uploaded by itzkoolaid.

This, my friends, is a not-so-happy scene located at the La Brea Tar Pits a few miles away from Hollywood Blvd and only a couple steps away from my new temp job at E! Entertainment.

It smelled like sulfur.

But enough about that... let's talk about E!

E! Entertainment is like a well-tuned machine. At 9am I had hardly walk into the front lobby and asked for my new supervisor when a man with a flash-cam steps up to me and takes my picture.

"For an ID badge," he says.

I'm brought up to the fourth floor- the home of talent, developement, and accounting. Before I can sit down (at my new temporary desk with a not-so-temporary looking name plate with my name already neatly engraved on it with the words: Accounting/Developement Assistant: File Clerk sketched beside it) a man in a blue jean uniform who knows my name brings up a computer and presents me with my password, computer ID, and E! Entertainment email address. Then, while he is plugging in the said computer, another man (who ALSO knows my name) comes up and shakes my hand, telling me he has come to install my phone system.

It hasn't yet reached 9:15.

By this time my head is spinning and the scratching feeling at the bottom of my throat starts to swell.

I get called downstairs to get my new processed ID (I have to be escorted, because the elevators can run only on ID's) and the security guard lets me sneak a peak at the E! Entertainment TV Studio.

Wow.

To be continued.... Sorry, I HAVE to sleep AT LEAST 6 hours tonight. I'll write more tomorrow, with pictures.

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Originally uploaded by itzkoolaid.

News: I saw Star Wars.

Go see it. Have you seen it yet? If you haven't, shame on you.
So we bought a ticket, Peter, Andy, Darryl, and I, to go see the 8:40pm showing of Star Wars on Thursday. Yeah- of course we would have LOVED to be at the Wed midnight premiere showing but WE HAVE WORK and so, unfortunately (since George Lucas does not pay our bills- yet) had to wait until we were out of work to see it. Plus, we DID go to see the LINE and chat with the people who saw the midnight showing. That was a lot of fun.

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Originally uploaded by itzkoolaid.

Anyway... so, expecting the turnout of overly-fanatic people with their far-out costumes that showed up at the midnight premiere to be at the 8:40pm premiere as well, I dress up. I do the Amidala leather corset costume because that is the only costume that has any resemblence to the way I dress in real life. And, because Peter and Andy do not come home from work until around 7pm, Darryl and I grab our lightsabers at around 5 o'clock and go.

LUCKY. If we had been even 20 minutes passed 5:30, we would have been halfway down the line. Our 20 minute lead saw us at a quarter of the line, closer to the front than the back. The 8pm showing was already around the block by then.

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Originally uploaded by itzkoolaid.

Of course, stupid me, I was the only idiot dressed up. ;p That's okay- FANS RULE!!!! I've got pictures somewhere in this blog... I'm not sure how to control where the pictures go so bare with me and just look.

So Star Wars was awesome. I'll put my review later, or never, depending on how the next week goes. You should see it, I highly recommend you do so.

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Originally uploaded by itzkoolaid.

Cleopatra (formerly known as Madonna). She's so cute!

I finally found someone who cares about the pitbulls! Go to

http://www.lindablair.com

and read about the organization she has started to stop the genecide of pitbulls in Denver, Colorado. Go and support!!!

Ode to TV

Do you see me?
I see you
Starring blindly
Brightly blue.

Size does matter
Be bigger! Do!
Information splatter
Shiny and new!

I love TV
Yes, I mean you
Let me sit and stare
slightly dazed, at you.

Me and Darryl!

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Originally uploaded by itzkoolaid.

Just testing out this new photo album I got from flickr.com... the masses finally get to see their goddess in true form! All hail the mighty internet!

First let me start off by saying: Somewhere around the world, SOMEONE HAS NOW SEEN STAR WARS: EPISODE III.

Lucky S.O.B.

Okay... Mishka moved in last night! Welcome to the Filmmaker House! He's so excited- it's always been his dream to come to Hollywood and he's never been here. It's his first time. We were like proud parents showing him around the area. Hopefully he'll get an agent and have more luck acting than the rest of the actors in this town.

We should really start calling the house ACTORS PLAYHOUSE... the actors who've come here so far:

-Daniel Samonas (EVERYDAYJESUSCHRISTEVERYDAY) :)
-Ford D'aprix
-Daniel Alm (In spirit, if not in physical form)
and now
-Mishka!

Erick Claux needs to hurry up and move in with us or the actors will start over powering the filmmakers!

In Other News:
I went to my second hypnotherapy session. For now on- let's call it hynotherapy without the hypno, cuz there sure is no hynotizing going on but there's still a lot of therapy. NonhypnoHypnotherapy.

Basically what's going on is for the "3 free trial sessions" gotten through www.craigslist.org (I LOVE CRAIGSLIST!!!) he (HE being Max Greene)asked me to make a list of the things I would like to improve about myself. Wow... and the list goes on! Anyway... the major thing I put was that- because of my profession, of course- I wanted to be stronger, more confident, and not a push-over. You see, I act confident only when I know I have something that's "better" than the people around me, so in a situation like a Boss or Mentor I completely break down and act timid. I think it might have something to do with my Filipino upbringing, where children are taught to RESPECT their elders (no matter if they're 2 years older or 200 years older) to the SEVEREST DEGREE. Honorable. American's should try it sometime.

Anywhoo, so the first session we talked and did "scenarios" where he would put me in uncomfortable situations and see how I reacted. Then he tried to hynotize me.

That did not work.

Basically what he did was tell me to close my eyes and tried to guide me through an imaginary place where there are a lot of dark, steep stairs and small, empty rooms. Everytime I would reach the bottom of whichever stairs I was taking he would shuffle (loudly) towards me and poke me on the head, snapping and say something to the degree of "you are now in the 5th level of conciousness where blah blah blah blah blah." This was repeated for ten minutes.

Obvious restatement of the sentence above: That did not work. I was so concerned about how I looked with my eyes closed, or how the "stairs" should be lit (should I use a blue light? how about seeing the stairs at an angle, or from above?) that the mere fact that the room around me was quiet only when the clock didn't chime loudly EVERY FIVE SECONDS or that I was sweating profusely would, of course, stress me out and totally negate the whole experience.

I think he might have noticed this.

He didn't hypnotise me the second session. I brought in my homework (a detailed prognosis of events I have had before which I was forced to write my ideas on how to improve them and why they went wrong), we discussed & had more "scenarios"- this time with him chiming in with advice or different alternatives now and then- and he gave me more homework. Nice. I liked that alot... it made me see a lot of my actions in a totally different light.

My homework for this week:
-Go into stores and ask the managers if they had a bathroom, could I use it?, and-if the answer was no- a small practice on how to convince them to let you do what you want.
-Walk up to every 10th person I pass on the street and ask them the time. Then... for more, ask them for directions.

EXCITING!!!

Misc. News:
-110 People around America won the Million Dollar Lottery Game "Powerball" this week because they each picked the sames numbers, all of which said they found in fortune cookies they got from different chinese restaurants.
-Half of Los Angeles watched in horror 2 days ago as a LIVE BROADCAST of a police chase ended with the police shooting and killing the suspect.
-Still have not found anything to save the pitbulls. :(

All is well in the Filmmaker House.

Beautiful Ford is here and he gave me a warm, muscular, handsome hug.
Cleopatra (The-cat-formally-known-as-Madonna) pooped in her litter box.
I cleaned my room.
The bills are all paid.
Andy's nice millionaire aunt gave us a surround sound system.
The sun is shining on the catnip.
I get to read my book.

Oh BTW- I saw Sin City in the MGM private screening room yesterday. It was AWESOME!!! The chairs reclined and were very comfortable- there was only like 20 seats-, the screen was big, the audio top-notch... I was sitting where countless Producers & Directors had screened their dailies & movies before, and where I will (in the future) screen my own dailies & movies.

I wish I could have taken a picture. It was so nice. Oh, and the movie was great too. :)

SAVE THE PITBULLS!!!!

http://www.rockymountainnews.com/drmn/local/article/0,1299,DRMN_15_3765660,00.html

SOB :(

I can't imagine this. At first I thought it was fake but then I went to Google and typed in "save the pit bulls" and I got a link to an online petition from ONTARIO, CANADA because the same thing is happening to the people there.

HOW CAN THEY DO THIS?

What is wrong with people? We shouldn't be able to take someone's pet away and kill them just because of their breed. In Denver they give jail time or $900 fines to the people who try to keep their bulls from the police. Don't they understand? To a lot of these people, taking their dog away is equivalent to taking their child away! I remember in Miami pitbulls were no longer legal, but that was because of the spread of illegal dog fights happening in the area. The police force in Denver, CO is taking dogs away because of a judge's ruling that was made back in the 90's because ONE child (unattended by his parents, who were watching TV) snuck into someone's backyard, approached a CHAINED UP DOG, and got attacked. There was nothing ILLEGAL going on there! AND NOW THEY'RE KILLING ALL OF THE BULLS- VIOLENT HISTORY OR NO.

I know if this were happening to me and any of MY pets, I would be put in jail for life for the things I would do to those police officers.

Something needs to be done. This shouldn't be allowed. It's up there with racism on my scale of BAD THINGS.

As soon as I find people on the internet willing to do something to stop this, I'll post a link.

I dunno if you guys have looked at any of my links or not (that reminds me, I have to add Thuy's and Bran's new pages) but if you look at my cousin Angel's link it's pretty interesting. It frustrates me reading it, though. Angel's a 25 yr. old, well-rounded, multi-talented individual who has just gotten her Master's degree in engineering, been through an extensive amount of Belly-dancing, Rock-climbing, Clubbing, and such, and has her whole future WIDE OPEN for her. Why? She has no debts.

Pluh. :(

I'm a 21 yr. old, not well-rounded, constantly working, never-having-enough money kinda gal who just finished a Bachelor's degree and spends her time WISHING SHE COULD DO THINGS. Why? I have debts (up the whazoo).

Double Pluh. :( ENVY ENVY ENVY

I just recently realized what it meant that Canada had "free education." Geez. Angel can go on with her missions/goals in life stress-free because she did her work well and she did not have to pay for tuition. LUCKY. America is not the kind of place that would willingly look out for it's young people like that. I guess, though, I needed this debt-full experience more than her. She apparently knows how to balance her budget, whereas I have just recently delved into the personal budgeting plain. Like someone always says- WHATEVER DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER.

Question is: how do I become stronger in the right direction? I don't want to become a work-aholic stingy money hungry person. I want to become someone who can save money but yet not VALUE money and be able to spend it on good things.

Maybe someone should write a book: HOW TO MAKE THAT TRANSITION FROM CHILD TO ADULT WITHOUT GUIDANCE OR MONEY OR A WILL TO DO SO IN 10 EASY STEPS.

You know, it's weird. I knew this day would come- this "growing up"- but I still do not feel prepared or- much less- ready for it. I wish I could get it over with already so I could go on with my life and do the things I want to do.

:(

RIP MOTORCYCLE

My mother so kindly made me realize this weekend that a motorcycle, though admirable in it's ability and style, might not be the best purchase for me at this moment in time. :( She eloquently mentioned the $65,000 student loan waiting for me to pay off, as well as the accumulative $9,000 in 3 major credit cards, and the rest of the $6,000 payments for the vehicle already in my posession.

So I guess my motorcycle will have to wait for a couple of years.

We're getting a new roommate in the Filmmaker House this week in the form of Mishka the Actor. He's been in a lot of our films in the last few years, and needed a temporary place to stay while he was moving to California. Sweet! Less bills! Also... the very BEAUTIFUL Ford D'Aprix (you can look him up on www.imdb.com) will also be staying in our guesthouse for this week for roughly the same reason. That means more money coming in.
OUR HOUSE IS A BANK!!!

We should start a boarding house full-time. We could probably make a lot from new-comer actors.

Misc. News:
-I bought more windshield washer liquid because the light was on in my dashboard. I started filling the tank up when I heard a little pitter-pat underneath my car. Long story short- the reason why the WWL container is empty is because it has a BIG-A**-GASH underneath that makes all of the liquid leak. :(
-Monthly bills for the household only came up to $59! Sweet!
-I suck at keeping up with correspondance. Please don't be angry if I don't call, because apparently I don't call anyone.
-The fact that you have no money hits you hardest when you want to send your mother those beautiful custom flowers you saw on the internet.
-The natural urge to do what you love (i.e. write) somehow physically diminishes BUT mentally grows when you have a full-time job.

-I wrote a poem for my cat, newly christiened Cleopatra (we didn't like Madonna):

Lonely

My poor kitty, alone in the cold
If you would just use your litter,
I would not have to scold

Now you are locked away for the day
Inside Peter's bathroom
Longing to play

All you need to do is poop in your box
And then the sun would shine again
On your pretty black locks.

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

I know I'm supposed to update the roadtrip story but I just got a job from my temp agency so my time has been TAKEN OVER by work. No congrats yet, though- it's in escrow, NOT entertainment. But it's good moola, my co-workers are the COOLEST, and it's in Pacific Palisades with a nice drive past the Santa Monica Pier. :)

So for the 3 of you who actually read this (one of which being my own vain, glorifying self)this weekend I PROMISE to update. I was just getting to the good stuff anyway :)

But, since a lot of stuff has happened, let us review my FIRST ANNUAL LIST OF UPDATES!!!!

-Went to Six Flags, CA. OH MY GOD. I thought Six Flags Over Arlington was cool... half the time I was acting bored because I thought I'd done it all when it came to rollercoasters. BOY WAS I WRONG. 3 Words: Goliath, X, and X!!!!!!!! ... go to www.sixflags.com and look up those two to see what I mean (can't explain... at work). The downside- like everything else in California, nothing there was cheap :p

-Am saving up to get MY FIRST MAJOR PURCHASE. You can look it up as well... go to www.suzuki.com and look up 2005 SV650S *in yellow. :)

-Found out LA is only 24 hours away from my cousin's college in Canada. She probably doesn't read this so it's safe to say I'll surprise her on her birthday! (JULY)

-Andy got a job in MGM so we get to sneak into the DIRECTOR'S SCREENING ROOM to watch all of the new major films!!! Sweet!

-Had my first session (free, I won three of them) of HYPNOTHERAPY. Yeah- it's the stuff they talk about on shows like Unsolved Mysteries where a pyschiatrist hynotises you to help you. Weird. I'll devote a whole post to THAT one soon.

-Found out David got into NYU. Congrats Dave!

-Family Guy had it's first new episode since it got canceled in 2001. Congrats Family Guy!

-Madonna the Cat has finally started to lighten up towards us. Now all I gotta do is train her to not poop in front of Pete's door and we're set!

-Am about to enroll in 2 different things... Rock Climbing (thanx to Angel) and Filipino Martial Arts. Awesomeness all around. The first is for the fun and adventure of it and the second is a present for myself so I can walk around LA alone AND look good for MY FIRST MAJOR PURCHASE.

Anyway... hope someone other than myself reads this :p For the loyal ones, thanx for waiting and sorry for the delay.

http://www3.caringbridge.org/oh/lola/index.htm Rest in Peace Mama Salud. I love you and I miss you... if you get bored up there try to teach God how to cook filipino.

My heart is with Uncle Sid & his family.

California Roadtrip Day 5.1 : Saturday Morning

Awesome!!! I wake up refreshed after my first time EVER camping. Camping is pretty cool... it's nice getting in touch with nature even if it is 5 feet away from a main highway.

So we decided today was going to be our tourist day. 1st stop- a small detour to Carlsbad Caverns (the home of Caverns spanning OVER 50 football fields and more than 1 million bats who migrate twice a year and leave the caves in whirlwind formation at night). We make our way though red dusty mountains full of cacti and tumbleweed, up semi-steep slopes and blasting cold air, and find ourselves at the top of a mountain in a little nest full of adobe lodgings and native-american tee pees.

Under all of this is where the caverns lie.

We buy the tickets (pretty cheap if you ask me at $15 a pop), and make our through a small lane to the entrance of the MAIN CAVE. Awesome. If you've never been to a cavern than I completely suggest that you get yourself a present and go, because what I am about to describe is not nearly CLOSE to what it was really like.

The completely-independent tour lasts 2 hours. (Independent as in no tour guide). We went almost 200 miles below ground in 30 minutes, winding our way through castles of dew and fairy homes and bottomless pits. For the next hour and a half we walked (legs ACHING) around in the middle of the earth, trying to take pictures but failing miserably, amazed at the fact that the air was COOL and not hot. Reds, blues, whites, blacks. Rocks that looked like cloth, rocks that looked like water, rocks that looked like Ronald Reagan and skeletons and ice cream.

An interesting happened at the end of the tour though. We walk through a little tunnel towards a sign that says "Rest Area" and somehow find ourselves in a Mos Eisley bar. The last room in the tour was nothing but a huge underground market place, great circles of light gathered together for the sole purpose of making a buck. It was really weird.

At the end the only way up was through a glass elevator (if you can name both movies than kudos for you!), where you can see yourself moving past thousands of feet at break-neck speed. The elevator- run by a rickety old man who looked to be about a hundred- brings you back to the ticket booth/museum. There you can see people from 50 years ago making the journey that you just did without the fun of elevators or pathways.

We still had a long way to go. It was noon when we were left Carlsbad. In front of us lay our next stop: Roswell, New Mexico.

(To be continued to Day 5.2. Find out tomorrow what we did with the rest of our day.)

California Roadtrip Day 3 & 4: Thursday & Friday

I'm combining these two days because even though they were full and happy days for myself for a reader they do not seem too interesting on the page. These days are basically the base of the mountain... after them there is nothing but new adventures for me.

I guess you can say these two days were the point of the trip where if we wanted to turn back it would be the last chance to do so.

We drove to Arlington to see my beautiful family on day 3... spending the night and having great filipino food in our tummies (thanx Mommy). Note: A funny little thing that happened there was the next morning we had to unpack half of the U-haul because I accidentally packed ALL of Darryl's clothing in the middle and he had nothing for the road trip. Sorry Darryl :p (He had been using a lucky pair of drawers that had been mistakenly packed in my luggage and a couple of Pete & Andy's shirts.)

On day 4 we set out to the west. As a great friend in a little movie once said, "If I take one more step, it will be the farthest away from home I've ever been." Yeah... that was my situation. Darryl and I had been almost bored for the trip so far and now that we were heading west we started to perk up a little.

A week before the roadtrip started the four of us sat down and mapped out where we wanted to go. We finally decided that after Texas we would head up to New Mexico, through Carlsbad Caverns & Roswell, then to Colorado, the Grand Canyon, Hoover Damn (is that spelled right?), Las Vegas, and finally LA. Day 4 was through New Mexico to Carlsbad Caverns, where we would camp for the night and explore the next day.

Misc sights seen on the way to Carlsbad:
-Lots of pouring rain
-A chorus of silver energy-saving windmills waving from the top of a mountain range like angels in heaven. (sorry... cheesey :)
-LOTS of small poe-dunk towns.
-LOTS of Dairy Queens in the small poe-dunk towns.

Carlsbad was cold. It was smack dab in the middle of nothingness... we had to drive through far-reaching horizons and black night skies to get there. We pitched tent at a campground about a foot away from the main road. Peter showed me how to make a tent (my first time!!) while Andy started a fire. We stayed up to cook some bar-b-que my mother had prepared for the trip and- at around 1am- went to bed nice and full.

(To be continued... On to the Caverns and a town full of Aliens!!!)

California Roadtrip Day: 2 Wednesday

Everyone gets up pretty early and refreshed, so without any problems we eat breakfast and make our way to New Orleans. We leave Jacksonville, pass Tallahassee, then drive through the next 2 states in a jiffy. For me it was nothing too astonishing... I've done the drive from Miami to Dallas with Darryl billions of times during the last 3 years so this was all old history. Pete and Andy enjoyed the view though. Andy was really amazed that the rest of south-east America wasn't like greater Miami or 95 North.

Finally, just as the sun was going to sleep, we come upon the little town called Slidell, Louisiana. Diane had suggested we stay there during a small talk on my last week of work... she did her own trip to California when she was my age and she remembered that it was a nice little stop just a few minutes from the party-side of New Orleans.

She was right. It was really refreshing dropping the U-haul off at the hotel for a change. ( It was good on our gas bill, as well. ) When we got to Bourbon Street we found a lucky parking spot a block away from all the action... and the rest, as we say, is history.

Music, booze, & nudity galore!

Seriously- it's a charming town. Darryl and I had gone there with Lacy and Michelle last September on a crusade to run away from the 4 hurricanes rummaging through Miami. The buildings and streets are like something out of a movie. Cobblestone and iron combined with old french buildings and street lamps... if you can only imagine. Then down Bourbon Street there's nothing but balconies full of happy crowds, jazz music blazing out from every door, bars taking over the streets, and happy costumed locals and visitors alike. Peter was blushing from the perverse pictures lining the various windows of sleaze clubs and gentlemen hang-outs. Andy was laughing at the many girls mooning us post-Mardi Gras from the balconies.

After walking up the street and seeing the sights we found a nice restaurant right on the walk and had some jumbo, shrimp creole, and other types of hot New Orleans plates. And, let me tell you, it was damn good. The more money you spend on the food the more it is worth it. We digested our meals at a gritty jazz bar next door, dark and filled with cinnamony smoke from the patrons inside, lively and cool to match the all-black, all-soul band on stage. The men (a pianist, drummer, sax player, and guitarist) were in bow ties and slacks, while the big, valumptous black bertha on the mic shimmered in her red dress and matching red boa.

Awesome. If you ever have any extra time, I suggest you spend it there.

The rest of the night was spent bar-hopping and gift-shopping. We topped the experience with an eerie drive through the above-ground cemeteries in the French Quarter, enjoyed a little taste of the local scum after literally driving through a drug bust, then went back to Slidell and called it a (fat & satisfied) night.

(On to Day 3!... Tomorrow)

Alrighty. The Big One. If you wanna know how my roadtrip went read this entry. And pray for me, because this b*$&% is gonna take me the whole night to type out.

CALIFORNIA HERE WE COME

Road Trip Day 1 (Tuesday)

Geez Louise! The journey can't start until we leave and if there was one thing we couldn't seem to do, it was leave. Our original plan of being done with all of the packing by Monday night screamed failure as the sun came up Tuesday on a half empty Uhaul. Noon rolls around... still not done. 4pm rolls around... still not done.

Finally, as the sun was starting to set and the dreaded South Miami traffic started NOT moving, we finished putting the last of the stuff in the Uhaul (Made possible by the many hours of Tetris training... Thanks Nintendo!), said goodbye to the last 3 years of slavery & strife ( thanks Art Institute...) and said hello to the road.
Fortunately we had enough breathing space for the 4 of us. Darryl and I drove in my car while Andy and Pete drove the Uhaul in the back. Each car had it's own walkie talkie (so we could make fun of each other without the danger of getting any physical comebacks) and Andy had found this nifty device that would transmit the music he was playing from his mp3 player to the few lucky folks who drove close enough to receive the signal.

Needless to say we had a lot of games like "Guess the singer" and "Guess what movie."
We originally were supposed to camp out in Tallahassee the first night, but because of our late start we ended up finding a cheap hotel in Jacksonville (the home town of Urban the Great). Cheap meant one bed... Andy and Pete were gracious enough to take the floor.

All plans were set for the next morning, when we would get up early and find our way to that great city of Jazz... New Orleans.

(to be continued... tomorrow. I wussed out. This story will be better told in installments anyway. )

California here i am!

Hey everyone (or no one.... I don't know if anyone reads this anymore). I'm in California! Geezus... so much has happened. Let me give you a quick rundown:

1. Left Miami for good (or at least until I get enough money to go back and ENJOY it).
2. Went on 10 DAY ROAD TRIP. Hopefully my next blog will detail everything that happened during it. It was a LOT of fun... I've always wanted to have a cross-country road trip and it was everything I wanted it to be.
3. Got to California and FOUND A HOUSE on MY FIRST DAY!!!!! (or, let's say PETER found the house. Thanx Pete :)
4. Am COMPLETELY BROKE for the first time in my LIFE, have no job, no money, and a new cat (her named is Madonna but we're going to change it. This is not to say that Eclipse is not my number one gal. I love Eclipse... no cat can ever beat Eclipse... but a girl can only go so long without a feline companion and I caved this Saturday.)

And you know what? Even though I don't have any money, any jobs, or any hope of paying off the many people who love and support me (including the people who rent the house to me and the electric/water/internet companies) I am happy.

I love California and I think this move was a good idea.

The last two days have been a nice change of pace.

Friday Andy, Darryl, and I went Andy's friend's place for a birthday party. It was cool... small gathering, cozy lighting, nice Columbian-based music. The owner was a sweet girl studying Interior Design. Her home was really mellow- stucco walls softly lit with colorful candles. We sat around and talked (I played with the miriad of cats that popped in every now and then). We realized that every single person in the room was from a different country, and that got us started each about our own cultures and the difference between everyone else, and how Miami (with it's billions of people) was a cool place to be confronted with different types.

Then we left to go to Stien's Warehouse (formerly known as Shayla's Warehouse) to watch short films. The Warehouse has been holding their annual film showings for like three years now. In the beginning it was a pretty small gathering of friends. When Shayla and Tara lived there it was more like a regular Warehouse with an alcove on the west end for sound or editing studios and just a stage underneath. It only had Roberto's pencil drawings on the wall and the couch by the kitchen. And when Darryl, Urban, Chris, David S., David R., and I went to help put up the walls to the second floor "apartments" it was still pretty bare. Lately it's gotten to be one of the top places for art people of Miami to hang out... mostly because of the other stuff they do, too (like hold plays, screenings, art shows, misc.). So many people have stepped through it's walls... students, professionals, and sometimes highly recognized/influential people in the misc. industries. The first Iron and Wine music vids were premiered here, as well as a bunch of us MIU grads old student films. The walls are all painted funky colors, the upstairs alcove is now a full-fledged production studio, big 10k-100k Arri Lights hand from the ceiling, the "apartments" are actually cool little hippy/artsy pads, and the stage has been transformed (for movie night) into a wide-screen panel with a digi projector. Chris's artwork lined the walls (nice new stuff, Chris!), and hand-me-down junk couches were scattered all over the floor in front of the screen for the throngs to get comfortable during the showing.

We met Chris up there and hung out in the kitchen with some Corona's (I had Coke... no mess for me) while Ziggy Stardust played on the screen. Chris showed me the little travel diary he brought and the couple (BRILLIANT) sketches he did while in-between movies. When the films began to start again (we had arrived during the intermission) Andy, Darryl, and I sat down to enjoy the show. It was pretty nice... your usual indy gore/blood short films, a cool little mock-u-mentary, and finally Andy's film Paparazzi (which premiered the same time as my Jazzman back in Sept).

Saturday we had some more pick-ups to do. I got to make YET AGAIN a cameo- this time as a lab technician. Darryl and I got hungry when we were done so we drove up to Tokyo Bowl and had some sushi (and yummy tempura cheesecake- sorry Hazel's wedding). After that we went and saw Constantine... pretty good, very funny, thrilling- I liked Shea Le"Boof."

Now I gotta prepare the actuals for My Struggle. Tonight Pete, Andy, and a bunch of people are going to have a meeting about the move to Cali. I convinced Chris, Geraldine, and possibly Shivonne to move with us. Darryl is still undecided, and David said that although New York is gonna be his home he would love to come down in May to watch Star Wars. Score!

Anyway... back to the budget!

Done.

well... almost.

We still have a couple pick-ups to film. &$%#@. It turns out that a mag on our camera LEAKED during some major scenes and consequently our shooting schedule had to expand to replace what we lost. Ah well... I was missing the on-set experience anyway. We "finished" Sunday night and on Monday and Tuesday I was ssssssssssooooooooooo depressed at work that I hardly got anything done. Lots of boo-hooing and such.

Through all that I figured that filmmaking must be my destiny. I literally felt like I was going to DIE if I couldn't escape from work and go film something (and folks- I work in a PRODUCTION STUDIO and I felt like this). I spent all of my work time pondering on what to do about this. I think Kev and Val noticed my low mood, too, because they told me I could go eat out for my lunch break.

Thanks Kev and Val.

I think I know what to do. Although I'm pretty much happy and secure in Miami (with a job in production and a cozy home), I've decided that I have to move to California. HAVE TO. Pete, Andy, and Erick are going there in March to promote the film and I should be there. Producers duty!... I dunno. I proposed the deal to them and they seemed pretty okay. I hope they don't think I'm butting into their plans (which I am) but I sincerely can't stand it anymore. I guess I know how my parents felt now when they decided to move from the Philippines to the US. HORRIBLY SCARED but EXTREMELY EXCITED at the same time.

I hope Darryl decides to come. That would be awesome. I know I can live without him, but I'd prefer not to try anytime soon. After all- STAR WARS is coming out soon. If I move to California and he doesn't how will I see it with him and Dave? He has to come with me! Then David will have no choice BUT to come see it in Cali (at the famous Chinese Theatre with the hands and feet sidewalk, nonetheless!).

Final (Very Random) Note:
I got a new fish. His name is Jughead- Shivonne named him. I don't think he likes life. He just sits around and acts dead all the time. I miss Archie.... and sadly I finally figured out where he went. I brought home his bowl and filter to prepare it for Jughead and me and Darryl decided to clean out the filter cuz it smelled. Well- guess what happened next.

Yeah... Archie fell out. Clumped and raw. I cried all night. It was all my fault- I was the one who bought the filter and didn't put the fish guard on it. I was the one who decided to leave Archie alone at work instead of bring him home with me. I KILLED MY FRIEND.

I'm sorry Archie. I miss you. :(

Halfway point.

We've filmed for a week. We have one week left. In the last 7 days we have lost a generator, gained a greenlight contact from Miramax, broken a Uhaul, fresnel light, and cable, shuddered through 50 degree weather and sweated through 100 degree heat, dealt with 30 children, and looked out for the wellfare of one.

I'm saying we're doing pretty good.

My fish disappeared today. I walked into the office and he just wasn't in the bowl.

RIP: Archie the brave and beautiful Siamese Fighting Betta

I had a LONG day... all in preparation for tomorrow. Nothing but calls, screen actors guild, hotels, locations, equipment rental houses, insurance forms, filming permits... everything and anything you can think of that has to do with film and more. I swear the people at Global Entertainment Insurance and the Mayor's Office of Film & Entertainment are my best friends now. I have their numbers on speed dial. Oh- and don't even mention the hassle I was getting from the Miami-Dade police department... can you imagine it takes $40 an HOUR to hire an off-duty policeman? I told Cindy at the Mayor's Office that I don't care if she calls the permit cops on me... we are NOT about to pay for THAT. No WAY. I'd rather film our whole movie guerilla-style than pay for that crap- the police do nothing but sit in their cars and eat all of MY SET FOOD. Bastards. I dont need them- I didn't haggle a good deal on filming insurance for nothing!

Misc. Note: U-haul is now permanently on my uncool list.

Principal Photography starts its long 13-day run tomorrow. My schedule is pretty killer too: 7am go to U-haul, 7:30am go the CineVideoTech, 9 am go to work at Forti/Layne until 6pm, 6pm go to set for first shoot location, stay on location until 6 am, 6am deliver U-haul to next location, 7am prepare for the next day.

If I didn't love it so much I'd think the film lifestyle was for Crazies. Long days, little pay, great risks, no benefits, luck-of-the-draw pay-offs, unrecognized accomplishments, bigheaded actors, creative blockaids...on second thought maybe it IS, and maybe I'm just one of them!

The more I take work off my plate the more work gets put back on.

I spent the whole day yesterday coordinating with the city managers/owners of Di Napoli, KFC, and Friday's for the catering schedule. Luckily everyone was pretty cyked about helping out an independent and they gave us very much needed discounts. I also haggled a swanky hotel on the beach to give me a discount on hotel rooms so that our star actor- our one and only SAG member who comes with union rules and policies like housing and such- and his mother can live comfortably in Miami for the duration of principal photography. Go Summer! AND Katharine Sonoja at the City of Miami-Dade film commission gave me a break on my city street permits so that I wouldn't have to turn them in until Monday morning. Awesome! And I got the moola to go prop/costume/and craftservices shopping (which I immediately divided between myself, my production designer, and my costume director). Progress rules!

But then I get news from U-haul that says they cannot rent us a truck for 2 weeks time- that they only rent trucks out for a day. This is the same U-haul we used for A WEEK durig thesis. And Pete and Andy tell me that they might make some changes to the script that will affect the shooting schedule (4 days before we shoot). And the principal from Chris Columbus High School (a main shooting location) tells us he won't know if we can film at the school until Monday (2 days before we are scheduled to film there).

Then I find out that Erick spent ALL of the budget for equipment on CVT and left me with no money for Trade Audio or Illucide Production's sound and walkie equipment. And that MIU won't have their green screen room available next week after they promised us we could have it. And that it costs $23 an hour to rent policemen to block off city streets and Pete and Andy want to block off 2 more than we had originally planned for.

And all the while I'm getting pressure from home about Hazel's wedding, fittings for the bridesmaid dress, will I be flying in?, what day will I be flying?, don't forget the slide show presentation, we need money for the bridal shower/bachelorette party, you have late fees/overdrawn bills for you credit cards, rent is due!

And- to top it all off- the light bulb on the ONE LAMP that lights MY WHOLE LIVING ROOM burned out and I have to get specialty halogen bulbs found in only one location in Miami to replace it.

Geezum Crow. It's only January! I can't wait to see what the rest of 2005 is gonna look like!

Principal photography starts in exactly one week. I work full-time at Forti/Layne 8-10 hours a day, then come home and prepare for the movie.

Left to do:
-book ALL locations, find 3
-schedule around missing actors
-2 rehearsals
-call city of Miami film comission
-reserve 3 policemen
-collect mob for final scenes
-make ALL props... including life-sized baroque confessional
-buy craftservices
-book catering
-distribute money
-talk to vendors, equipment places
-reserve U-haul
-reserve hotel rooms

Filmmakers are people who love to mutilate their souls.

I bought the company fish (Archie- a Siamese fighting Beta that's a rich blue with blazing red stripes on his tail) a new tank yesterday. When I brought it in this morning and put him in it he was so excited- it was the cutest thing! He swam around real fast for about 30 minutes, then had to sit and rest for 2 minutes, then swam around again.

You really should have seen his old one- about as big as a coffee cup and just as uncomfortable looking. All he had to do was turn around and he'd be on the other side.

The new one is quite a bachelor pad. I got him this 2 gallon hamster/fish cage with black rocks and a broken pirate ship and treasure chest with holes in them. Oh- and little weeds that move around in the water when he swims.

PIMP!

I used to think that I wouldn't like having a fish as a pet because it isn't something you could actually PET. You know- like a cat or something. But when my boss left to film a novella in Texas for a month and left me in charge of him... well- the rest is history :)

It's nice to be having a tough time at work and looking over to see a friend. Archie makes my day. I bought him the new house to show him that. I hope he knows.

Three years ago- about 4 months after I had turned 18 and 3 months after my life changed drastically and I moved away from everybody I knew to start a life in Miami- I had a small breakdown. I was sitting in the cobbled open-air hallway on the first floor of my dorm building fulfilling my noble workstudy duties when I got a call from someone I didn't know.

The call was to tell me that one of my close friends had just been in a savage car wreck and might not live through the night.

I became hysterical. I'm not the type to cry so the sobbing that came from my lips grew louder the more uncomfortable I felt about what I was doing. I was feeling a hurt that was alien to my world, something that had sprouted in the last 3 months from a mix of loneliness, fear, dread, and sorrow. I wept openly, not caring who saw me and not turning away.

And I met some of my best friends that night.

Gus and Tra- two of the most eclectic people in history- who sat and sang to me until I cried hiccups instead of tears.
David S- who waited patiently by my side and convinced the wicked dorm mother that I was too ill to work.
Walker- my dear southern punk belle- who carried me upstairs with her everlasting cigarette in her hand and tucked me into the folds of her blanket.
Michelle- who I had never known to be girly- who brought over a bag of nailpolish and did my nails and fussed over my appearance.
and last but never least:
Peter Bean- my favorite director- who came over (having only met me once before), even though he was supposed to be bowling, and let me do his nails until I was laughing again.

I had forgotten about that. Can you imagine? I was sitting in front of Peter tonight discussing SAG and insurance and shooting schedules thinking "god he's so difficult to work with" when the memory hit me. This man in front of me had seen me at my worst (a position not even my closests friends had ever seen me in) and had given me love, I was complaining. I should feel HONORED to be his friend.

Long work nights and sleepless days may be a strain on my mind but from now on I'll try my damndest to not let it be a strain on my heart.

To all of my friends and loved ones who I haven't spoken to in days, months, or even years- I still think about you (more often than you know)- and I thank God that I have been blessed enough to call you mine.

I was touched by stars twice last night.

The first time happened when I was watching the LIVE TSUNAMI AID concert. It had just begun and they had already shown Madonna, Maroon 5, 30-odd celebrities answering phone calls with Jay Leno heading the line, and pictures and accounts of people who survived (or didn't) the tsunamis, when Norah Jones came up.

She is so beautiful. Her voice is probably the most beautiful voice in the world. What could I do? I had a real life siren in front of me- I had to call. So I did. And guess who answered?

"Hello this is BRAD PITT, how can I help you today?"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*gasp* AAAHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAHHHAAAAAA!!!!!!

Geezus. I gave him $50 because somehow some of my brain was still working. If it hadn't have been I would have given him everything I owned. He has an amazingly sexy telephone voice by the way... really something he could brag about if he wasn't already ADORED BY THE WHOLE WORLD. And I spoke to him! Personally! The guy from Fight Club, Snatch, Interview... and I talked to him!

I told my director Pete about that and he asked me why I didn't tell Mr. Pitt about the independent project we were doing and see if he could donate.

Ha Ha Pete.

I wanted to call back and try to get Quentin Tarantino but Mommy advised against me giving them everything for a second chance.

Anyway... the second star that touched me was none other than the greatest one of them all: Katharine Hepburn. Through Cate Blanchett, but it was still Katharine Hepburn none the less. Oh yes my friends- me and Darryl went and saw The Aviator.

It is a great movie. The CG is awesome, the acting impeccable (by Leo in his second Oscar nod since Gilbert Grape), and the story extremely coherent compared to how it COULD have been done considering Howard Hugh's amazingly versitile life adventures. 4 stars my friends.

And Cate playing Kate. What heaven. She is up for a Best Supporting on this and she damn well better get it too. This was no impersonation (how could it be when she didn't LOOK like Kate at all?). This was a spiritual embodiment. Every move, gesture, flick of the lip, and stride WAS Katharine Hepburn. Her vowels were 1st rate, and the two combined.... the moment she stepped on I was in tears, laughing, and almost peeing in my pants.

I did get mad at a Kate moment though. The screenwriters should be ASHAMED!!!! CHEAP SHOT!!! VERY CHEAP SHOT!!! (Probably to get better emotional gratification for the audience in a scene that DIDN'T NEED IT!!) You know the one- Kate is helping Howard fix a broken foot when she mentioned "When my brother killed himself."

I wanted my money back.

Obsessed Fan Ravings Commencing in:
5
4
3
2
....

Katharine Hepburn NEVER EVER at ANY TIME admitted that her brother killed himself. It was below her and below her family to do such a thing. Until her DYING DAY she said that it was an accident, a game that went wrong, a stunt that didn't work. Even to SPENCER TRACY HIMSELF did she NEVER admit what had really happened. SHAME!!!! SHAME ON YOU SCORSESE AND DICAPRIO FOR WANTING A CHEAP BUCK!!!!!!!!! SHAME ON YOUR HEADS!!!!!

But then she did something that WAS very Hepburn and I pushed the molting anger to the back of my head and decided that if Kate blessed this picture enough to let Cate protray her so beautifully, then she must understand hollywood's disgustingly unsensitive GREED and let it pass. So if she can do it, so can I.

I miss you Katharine Hepburn.

No Sleep = Verry Creative!

I haven't slept in like a week. Saturday was full of production work (on both ends of my professional spectrum- independent AND full time job) and Sunday was no better. I hardly had enough time to take a shower... and sure as hell had no time to wash my laundry (which, by the way, really REALLY needs some attention). Then Monday comes along and sleep decides to go on vacation.

We shot the poker show on Monday. Geezus.

Get up 6am. Pack my car with the craft services I bought Sunday (on last minute notice for 70-odd people), and get to set by 7am. Stay on set until 9am when I have to go back to the office to do some work in preparation for set that night. WORK MY A** OFF until around 3pm when I finally get called to go back on set.

Set is chaos. Not only is this the first time we've done this particular show (we're filming the pilot episode), but because of faulty management we only had today to prepare for it. So any misc. work... um, like EVERYTHING... gets stuck on the supporting players. That means me. Run around. Get the LP's working. What's wrong with the mic cube? What happened to the talent? Print out 20 copies of-, and 40 of-, and hand them out to -,-, and -. No more ice! Kev's in the production truck! HFBOUEFHOFJFJFNOIEJFDHFOHFIJFPIJE! NOW!!!

Around 1am (when we are supposed to be wrapping up) I step on a nail. A big A** nail. One big enough to go through the sneakers I have on and pinch pretty hard.

1:45am- we have no more tape stock! Go back to the office and get more!

OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHhhhhhh.... and have we got a story THERE. Geezus. Guess what happens to me when I go back to the office to get tape stock? I run in, grab everything betaSP I can find, run back down, drop half of everything I am carrying, run to my car, grab for my keys,

and realize that my keys are sitting in front of me inside my car.





AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



so long story short somehow I get a PA to come pick me up and bring me back to set. The crew didn't have to wait too long, but we still didn't wrap until 3am. When I get home me and Darryl tear apart my apartment looking for my keys because I have to be back on set in 5 hours to deliver the food in the trunk of my car. Can't find my spare keys. Realize that they are in my glove comF*&&#T*partment, and wait until 5am for a locksmith to come drive me to work to unlock my car.

Locksmith wedges his supplies through my window and DROPS the main tool he uses to jack open my car INTO my car.

&*$%#

Finally get my car back and open at 7am. Go home to sleep for an hour. Get up and go to work.

Kids- that was just Monday. My whole week has been like this. I've probably had about 7 hours of sleep since Sunday, most of them having been on Sunday night.

But the cool thing about it is that somehow my mind has gone mad with ideas. You see- as well as starting this blog I bought a bunch of little note pads to put in misc places like my purse and bedside table to jot down any interesting story ideas I had. And BOY have these ideas been coming out! I filled up one I had and am halfway through the second. AWESOME. Lesson #1 for my week: Sleep deprivation is good for the creative soul!

Lesson #2 for my week: It is not good for anything else.

The Queen of Procrastination Strikes Again!

I have done absolutely nothing today. Nothing. N-a-d-a. And I have so much to catch up on, too. I have to call EVERYONE on my crew about call times AND do some research on workers comp for cast rehearsals tomorrow. Stupid me... now I have to set my alarm clock to 8am on a SATURDAY so that I can do what I didn't do today.

I did cook some though. Awesome. I'm becoming a wiz in the kitchen. I made some salmon and a chicken ceasar salad wrap (like the ones you can get at Subway) and I didn't throw up or anything. Darryl thought it was pretty good too- double stars! This whole week I've been cooking like no tomorrow, and strangely the weird upset stomach I normally feel after my regular fast-food meal doesn't happen anymore.

*sarcasm* Hmmm... I wonder what that means?

So it seems my unfortunate haircut is a hit. My coworkers love it, my friends adore it, Darryl has given me good reviews, and strangely- for Miami- people on the street have even told me that I was *gasp* pretty. Weird. The bangs that I've hated for the last few days are actually coming in handy. Who wouldv'e ever thought that?

I gave Darryl a lecture about his style in clothing today. Okay- What the HELL? Me, the sweat pants and sweat shirt GODDESS, giving someone advice in clothing? The sky is falling! And get this- I was so convincing that he actually is bringing me to the mall tomorrow so that I can help him shop.

god PMS does weird things to a gal.

Jeezum Crow!

*sob*

It's about to be 7pm and I'm still at work. Been here since 9am. Needed to be at a mock shoot since 6pm. What's a girl gotta do?

I drew a picture of Lucy Van Pelt (Peanuts, Duh!) on my little bored with a thought bubble of nothing but chicken scratch. Kind of a representation of how I'm feeling. I would have drawn Linus but Linus seems a little too peaceful for situations like this. When I'm real frustrated Lucy seems to do the job.

Norah Jones rocks! For Christmas I was hoping someone would cop out and get me her new DVD but I guess people forget that I like her.

No worries. She sings me to sleep when Darryl's not here. Good enough for me!

Speaking of which- I found out that my obsession over him isn't stupid girly stuff. It's actually something that comes from a little foundation. I called him today (with a calling card, Mommy) and we actually flirted on the phone. How exhilarating! It's been so long since I've flirted with someone! Well, besides the elevator candy physical trainer that lives a floor above me... but that's a different story. :)

Ugh. Work today was a bullet to the brain. Get in at 9:45am and JAM PACKED with projects until 3pm. Have lunch while answering 30 phone calls for 10 minutes, and then packed again until 8pm. You remember all that work me and Arzu did for the MTV shoot? The one with all of the top notch crew guys that we had to move around? Well- after moving them around TWICE more- MTV gives us a call and tells us "Nevermind. We'll just use our own guys."

Can you F*&$#in imagine! 2 weeks of hard work down the camode! And yes- camode.... MTV doesn't deserve something as clean as a drain. Stupid ca ca face MTV.

And as for the Brazilian project- whoa. Is THAT one head trip. Poor Val, I think she thinks I hate her. She's the one who has to buffer the calls from the Brazilians and turn them into commands for me. Throughout my journeys today I found out that Terlingua, TX (right on the SW state line) has exactly 2 gas stations, 1 deputy, and is 35 minutes away from anything resembling a grocery store.

Convenient little production area, let me tell ya! If there was ever a problem and a crew member got sick, guess where the closest hospital is? Yep- a short 30 minute helicopter ride to El Paso up north (which is gonna cost a pretty penny).

Nice Brazilians try to pinch their wallet in a field where expenses aren't without justification.

Anyway... I got out of work so late I didn't have time to call up MY OWN crew for MY OWN production (the indy film). I only had enough time to negotiate a small deal with SAG (screen actors guild) to let us have our main actor for free. We start filming Feb 1st so I'm pretty desperate to start getting dirty- we have a rehearsal this Saturday, and a locations meeting on Sunday!... But my full time job is making it difficult to concentrate. It's hard to struggle through work to go home to more.

I shouldn't complain though- I have to admit that I love every second of it. It's nice to tell people that I do all this stuff with tv and foreign clients and flms, and not be lying. :)

A few last things before I go:
-Fashion designers have AWESOME jobs
-Echoes proove China is really home to the Center of the Universe
-You know tomorrow isTaeBo day when you get your bridesmaid dress measurements and realize that your waist is only 2 notches smaller than your bust and hips (and that was with a little cheating and sucking in)
-You should never tell a hairdresser that you don't want bangs because they'll inevitable give them to you

Crossroads

I'm sitting on my floor and I wonder
Are we a joke?
Are we a blunder
or a dream?
Made by a child? A man? A God?

Why?
What does he want?
What does SHE want?
Why do I want
what I want
that makes me travel miles away
from everyone I know and love
and care for
just to pursue a blunder
or a dream
that makes me wonder
lonely,
alone
on my floor?

Am I born for this?
Are we born for something?
Anything?
Destined to be
what I want to be?
So should I do
all that I do
if at the end it's all the same?
Shouldn't I just live
and let it all be
because it will be
what it should be
at the end of the game?

Or can I only attain
Everything attainable
through reach of muscle
and power-
man power,
brain power,
and hope-
if I use everything in my power
anything in my power
to climb through life's zoetrope?
Should I work my hardest
to be the greatest,
smartest,
to get where I get
when I want?

What should I do?
What do you want
you person
or thing
or force
that drives us
pushes us
pulls us
taunt?

Am I changing my life
right now, as we know it?
If I get up and go
and work for my dreams
the means
which home alone I tend
will they come true?
Will I bang at the end?

Or what if I sit?
What if I stay?
What if I go
and live with the love
of family
and friends
til the end of my day?
Will I still bang?
Will I still pop?
Or will my life tumble
fumble
drop?

I guess what I want
is to know what to do
God help me
Cuz I don't have a clue
I sit on my floor
lonely
alone
I'm missing the lives
of the people I left at home
But if I go back
Will I not go on
To the things I'll still remember
from my dreams
at early dawn?
What am I missing
at the greener side of the lawn?

Work=Life
and
Home=Love

What do I do?
I can't hear you!
Speak louder
You!
Living, up above!

As the shrill shriek of car alarms (in response to boisterous fireworks) echo in the advent of the New Year, I sit awed over the last one. A year where I saw myself *gasp* finally show a little mental growth. So, without further adeau, I give you my "Year In Review: 2004"

New Years 2003
-Rejoiced over finishing the WHOLE Taebo workout tape
-Sat depressed over breakup with Darryl while Hazel and BK gave me a simultaneous New Year's kiss
-Made a vow to fit into size 6 clothing by Valentine's Day

Month of Jan
-Lost 20 pounds at the dorms. Depressed, scared (of the thesis voting results), and anti-social.

Month of Feb
-Got the Thesis Producer slot! And Scriptwriter!
-Fit into a size 5
-Wore Hazel's homecoming queen gown on Valentine's Day (cuz I could fit it!) and inexplicably started dating Darryl again the same day.

Month of March
-Lost Fran as a roommate. :(
-Started pre-production of Thesis film Jazzman. TERRIFIED

Months of April-May
-Stress over thesis.
-Get a new AWFUL roommate.
-Stop Teabo
-Start gaining the pounds again.

End of May
-Principal Photography starts on the thesis films. Do an AMAZING job! Have A LOT of fun!

Month of June
-Get my first apartment ever! Bequeathed it as: The Crowning Emperor Prince of Pompei
-Introduced my cousin Bim to the city that is Miami- had my first house guest!
-TURNED 21!!!! Have fears about future
-Started internship at Forti/Layne Entertainment

Month of July
-Started Final Semester of College
-Started Jazzman post production
-Supported workstudy job, school, and Forti/Layne

Month of August
-Met Usher & Lil' John at internship
-Start proposal for HBO series with Val at internship

Month of September
-4 hurricanes hit Miami, post production gets held back
-First time in New Orleans!
-Grenada destroyed by hurricanes
-Finish Jazzman
-Family comes to Miami!
-Jazzman is screened in a real theatre with TERRIBLE outcomes
-Graduate from Miami International University with a Bachelor's in Art with a Concentration in Film
-Darryl moves in!
-Fears about future MAGNIFY

Month of October
-Get hired into a full-time position at Forti/Layne Entertainment
-Get hired to produce independant film My Struggle
-Get hired to produce independant doc My Kind of World
-Accept all!

Month of November
-Meet Shaquille O'Neal and The Miami Heat! Take pictures that impress boss so much he puts it on the F/L website.
-Meet the Black Eyed Peas and help with pre-producing an MTV pilot through my company
-Boss offers to make one of my short stories into a short film.
-Hold trailer premiere party in New York night club for My Kind of World
-Sincerely doubting the whole Full-time job thing.
-Say goodbye to all of my friends for the last three years.

Month of December
-Cast My Struggle
-Start Taebo all over again
-Rediscover snow and family in Texas
-Get a lead on a project that I ultimately convince my boss to let my produce myself!
-Start loving the full-time job experience.

New Years Eve 2004
-Ready, confident, and running head first into the future! :)



Wow you guys. It's been one heck of a year. Here's to next year and the adventures waiting for us ahead.

Happy New Years!

AHHHH!!!! I'm so EXCITED!!!

You remember the proposal I was telling you about? The one I was gonna give to my company to see if I could produce it myself? Well- it got accepted!

YES!

And I got accepted to produce, write, and edit the whole thing! Yay! I might even get to go home for a week while it's being shot in Dallas! DOUBLE YAY!!!!

Go Summer
it's your birthday
not really
just for play play!

This might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. :)

Hectic at work today.

Turns out that the Brazilian company that's producing the Telenovella we'll be shooting in El Paso has picky (expensive) taste in hotel rooms- despite the low production budget. I spent more than half of my day calling probably EVERY 4 star hotel in Miami and Terlingua, TX trying to find something nice for them. Spoiled bastards.

Oh- and MTV New York decided to give us a spin too. We had originally sheduled a shoot from the 17th through the 22nd of January with the 17 crew guys who make our BEST list. Do you know how rare that is? To find 1 of those guys available for just a ONE day shoot is a once in a year type thing, much less all for a 5 day one. But we did it and we were happy... until today. MTV calls and says "Oh, sorry- can we switch those days to the 14th, 15th, and 16th?"

Tchyeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt.

We tried. Already half of the crew is unavailable- we'll have to spend the rest of the week finding fill-ins on short notice. And it also is insulting for our guys to go from a 5 day hold to something half that amount of time. They passed up other jobs for this, and in the film industry jobs are a commodity even veterans don't pass up lightly. How does it look for a company when we have to tell guys we've worked with for more than 30 years (Kev and Bri even filmed some of their weddings) "Sorry... we don't really have a job for you like we said."

And when I say we I mean me and Arzu, and let me tell you it was no fun calling these guys with a cancellation.

THANKS MTV, AND A HAPPY F*$@IN NEW YEAR TO YOU TOO!

Misc Note: I find it scary that I willingly went to work 2 days in a row. I didn't pick a mental fight or anything! Could I be getting used to the Full Time Job?

GOD I hope not.

I made a business proposition to my contemporaries today. I got an offer to do a misc promo film in Tx and instead of going off on my own to do it I proposed at work to give the job to them if they would *gulp* let me rise above my station and lead the project as producer. Have yet to hear a response from Big Man Brian, but Kool Kevin said sure!

*Gasp*

Wow. Bravery works. Unexpected.

Now what do I do?

Jeez!

I've been back in Miami for a day now and already I'm so lonely I've done nothing but sit in front of my tv sobbing during Ewan McGregor's Panda Documentary. (Although it WAS really heartbreaking... it's so sad how animals have to adapt to us forcing them out of their homes :(

Holidays are never long enough! I miss my family soooo much.

Ugh.

Surprisingly work wasn't too bad today. Actually- it was pretty fantastic. And I didn't really do anything too interesting... it was just happy. I dunno. Maybe I was just so excited about being around people. It was kinda funny though, because I brought my aunt's FANTABULOUS rum cake to eat for lunch and my coworkers loved it so much they ate it all! Thanks Auntie Ching! My boss-an emmy award winning director (by the way)- actually stopped in the middle of a casting call to moan and rub his belly while he ate. LOL

I got a new desk at work too. It's a contemporary L-shaped wooden wonder. Amazing. I sit in it and do work just so that I can feel how great it is to sit at a fancy desk. It was a gift from Val, my supervisor- she got a new glass desk and gave me her old one. It's so much fun- it's like I'm some grown up doing real work instead of some neveau graduate punk who's job isn't really a job because of how fun and exciting it is. Thanks Val!

You know- for a person who started their post describing how much they were crying this evening, I do seem a bit cheery.

I dunno...

I feel bad for the people affected by the tsunami's. It must be awful to go through something like that. I saw footage on the news- some vacationer took vid. from a hotel room of big 3 story buildings on the coast standing fine in one second, then being berrated by water the next. It was surreal- I felt like I was watching a kid in the bathtub who just happened to make the water overflow onto a miniature of a modern city. And they interviewed a young college kid who said that the water just disappeared on the beach ("like some giant was pulling it away" she said), and when they walked closer to see what happened they were all of the sudden ENGULFED by a huge WALL. Can you imagine? The filmmaker in me sees that as an excellent visually and amazing to behold, but the human in me is scared along with the girl. How terrible- and 2 days after Christmas too. Some people haven't even found family members yet! God. I would give anything to never feel that as long as I live. I couldn't image what it would be like to not know where my family was.


i think i'm being a bit emotional. I'll go lie in bed and calm down. Good night, and God bless!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

As a present to myself I gave my blogger a new template. Yay! Isn't it pretty? Although I have to admit that I'm no template pro and that subsequent mistakes (i.e. the tag board, posts, bio, and just about every misc. object) have occured. But no worries- I'll get better at this in time and soon my blogger will be mistake-free!

Hip hip cat!

So, while you guys open your presents, sit back and enjoy mine.

I know I will. :)

Oh yeah- and if you scroll down on the 'about me' index you'll notice some hard-to-read links. Click on those! The first one is the girl who designed this template, the second one is my gorgeous Canadian cousin Angel, and the third is my brilliant best friend Brandi. Have fun!

SNOW!

Good Gracious it snowed today! I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!!

It happened right when I put the Pina Colada wedding cake taster in my mouth. Keianna looked over and yepped and there it was! White confection perfection, gliding down the stabs of wind along the sill of the window. How lovely... how poetic. And how amazing that cake was too!

We tasted 20 different cake flavors... from an exotic 5 layered chocolate mix of crunchy moist soft pillowy pleasure (which we picked as the groom cake), to plain but sugary spongy yellow butter cake. OOOOOOOOooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... if there ever was a heaven, I had my foot in it's door at that moment.

We also took a look at flower arrangements and stuff. That was cool too- a little over my head with it's girlyness- but still cool. There was some interesting stuff there, including a vase called a macaroni where the flowers came out of the sides instead of the top.

And guess what else? I found two long lost friends today! Dominic and Carole! God- I thought I had lost them forever. I was actually in the midst of writing a goodbye poem to put on my blog... but fate stepped in and gave me more heaven. Thanx fate! Dominic is where he always was (stupid me) and he just had a different phone number. I'm actually gonna go to the movies with him tomorrow with a bunch of other friends I haven't seen in a while... And Carole wrote me an email! Yay Carole! She's having a great time in Oklahoma with her husband and dogs, and her mother is great and everything is great!

And I talked to Darryl for 10 minutes!

Such a great day!

I wasn't able to see Fran and Juan :( .... That's okay. I might be able to see them tomorrow. The suckiest thing, though, was that I was supposed to see Chau but she NEVER CALLED ME WHEN SHE GOT IN EVEN THOUGH I WAS 2 BLOCKS AWAY FROM HER APARTMENT AND NOW SHE IS GONE FOREVER IN AUSTIN.

Geez Chau! :p ARGH...You know I love you. I'm sorry I hung up on you - you deserved it though. That's the 3rd time you've come up to Arlington and "forgot" to call. I'll start writing you out of my Oscar speeches if you do that again.

Anyway... Mommy's waiting to use the internet. Happy Snow Day guys!

To Do:

-Go see wedding flowers with Hazel :(
-Go taste wedding cakes with Hazel ;9
-See if will not upchuck yesterdays dinner during wedding cake tasting :[]**
-See if can find long lost friends Fran and Juan :D
-If lucky, try to find lost friend Dominic ;>
-If not, gorge on Blue Bell Homemade Ice Cream flaver Moolenium Crunch until feel better. :) !!

Busy day...

*puts hand on forehead* I simply could not be bothered by small annoyances today Jeeves- please, kindly tell the muscle man and gymnist I will not be excersizing today. Oh! I just feel faint thinking about it!

*faints*

lololol

Yeah- you know you laughed. Don't act like you didn't. (if you didn't- please act like you didn't only to cover up the fact that you truly wanted to and were just being coy by not doing so)

What is wrong with me today? Sorry- I have not idea what that was all about. :p Off to the cakes!

ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SPIT! SMACK! CRASH!


....*sob*



:* ( i've gained weight

Texas!

I'm in Texas now! Yay!

I've been here for 2 days now. Arrived yesterday after a long stunt watching people for 3 hours at the airport then pretending to be asleep for another 3 hours so the lady sitting beside me would stop talking to me (which she didn't *bleh* ).

That same night Hazel had a Christmas party. Sooo much fun (which in itself is a surprise because I don't like parties and I don't know any of my sister's friends). Thanx Hazel! Although I have to admit- it was weird being around BK for the first few hours. Having my sister call me and tell me how he has hurt her emotionally while I can do nothing to help in Miami makes for awkward moments. I think he really does love her, though. I mean- they ARE getting married now.

Speaking of which- since I have been here I have not Tae-bo'd at all, and I kinda don't plan to. I feel too sick and (excuses, excuses) I'm on vacation dammit! Who works out on vacation?

Not me!

Random FYI: Haven't talked to Darryl in 4 days. :(
More Random FYI: Have felt sick since I stopped talking to him.
Therefore: Maybe should finally buy that international calling card and call him, causing more bodily comfort?

I dunno. I spent $300 on a digital camera (my gift to myself- I have been wanting that baby for 2 years now and since I bought it I haven't taken it out of my sight), and so I don't think I have enough in the bank to buy a calling card.

It always comes down to sex or money. God. You would think that at least during the holidays my world would stop with the materializms.

Gotta go... been rushed this whole time and it affects my writing. *sigh* I hate not writing well.

:) Summer

P.S. Just finished reading A Princess Bride. I HIGHLY recommend it. 5 billion stars. Thrilling, appealing, frustrating, angering, saddening, surprising, and astounding all in one. And f**ing hilarious how William Goldman tricks the readers ino believeing something that's not true. You should read it.

Rich People and Marathons

Oh yeah- you know it. With Darryl gone my tv experience is really moving forward right now. Nothing but VH-1's Fabulous Life Ofs and a day-long marathon of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. I'm simply in heaven.

And those Animal Planet shows! God- I can't get my eyes off of them. (and I cry at least twice in every show... I think that's some kind of goal for the animal planet producers)

Days off are wonderful.

Blue

Darryl left today. :(

It's funny how he always goes off on vacation before me and returns after I come back. It's like I'm destined to miss him.

Ooohhh.... it's SO not fun being alone. Loneliness is probably the worst feeling ever. It's worse than fear or sadness. With fear or sadness there's an action that goes along with it. Even if I was by myself I would still have my tears or screams to talk to me. But loneliness- that's a doosy. With loneliness you can be surrounded by people at home and you'd feel lost and defenseless...

vulnerable...

alone.

And it's not one of those "I miss Darryl" type of feelings- it's one of those "I'm home and I can hear a pin drop and I don't know what to do with my arms or legs or self because I've never had myself as company and I feel like I'm with a stranger, while he's out there and I can't see him" types of loneliness.

Ugh.

I've only felt this way 3 times in my life, and 2 of those times were because of Darryl. The first was when I sat down on my wooden dorm bed and watched my parents drive away and leave me in an unknown city the day before college started. That was 3 years ago. Thought I'd be used to it by now.

And yet- somehow- the feeling just gets worse every time.

Hurry up and wait

Back and forth
To and fro
Watch the little Summer go!

Up the stairs
Up the wall
Driven past where most would fall

Do me this
Do me that
Forget about your little nap

Rest is not important, sleep has got to go
Taking care of buisness is the ultimate high
Make sure that every little detail you will know
(and don't forget to check the mail as you fall from the sky)

To and Fro!
Round You Go!
Kiss your life goodbye!

One last thing before I go...

My best friend Brandi started a blogger too- go see!

http://branisevil.blogspot.com/

One day Blogs will RULE THE WORLD. Here's too it ahead of time. :)

The Goddess of Contradictions Strikes Again!

Heaven.

That's what I was in while I ate my Big Mac meal complete with large fries and coke WHILE watching the acclaimed documentary about the unhealthy and down-right dangerous affects that the fast food king McDonalds puts your body through called "Super Size Me."

Ooohhh.... and the fries mixed with the perfect balance of mayo and ketchup sat just right in my belly during the whole thing.

Rebel, you say? I say YES.

But then I started getting into the 2nd half of the film and I realized that my choice of rebellion wasn't exactly the right cause to get myself to support. Ugh. Those special features with jars of sugar and fat.... the toll that said ARLINGTON was now one of the top 10- yes, 10- fattest cities in the US- just made me realize how much Billy Blanks is going to have a soft spot in MY heart tonight.

And Hazel moved up her wedding date. Go Hazel for making me work harder than my originally planned "casual excersize" lifestyle.

Whatever. God is telling me something and DAMMIT I will not refuse to listen any longer.




excuse me...

I'm gonna go excersize.

Preparation for a Confrontation

There is a woman in Florida that child actor mothers call "the Devil." She is mean and self-serving, jealous and greeding, ugly and cruel. The sound of her voice can clear a room just as fast as the use of her name. Mothers think twice before handing their child to a production that features her son.

And we hired him.

Alas- I did not know of this woman until it was too late. Her son is a brilliant boy. He's gorgeous and confident and can cry at the drop of a dime. Him acting out a monologue written by the likes of Shakespeare carries rays of sunshine from the audition room into rain clouds, and the sun emerges miraculously. A boy like him is one in a trillion... how could we not hire him?

ugh.

Peter, Andy, Erick and I have gotten reputations around the talent agencies in Miami. Our work is good quality stuff and we are always good to the people we hire. Half of the people we've casted have worked with us before-the other half were eager to meet us because of what they have heard. So when the mother of one of the supporting characters asked us who we hired for the lead we told her, because we are honest, trustworthy filmmakers.

Her reaction was less than trustworthy... and very much too honest.

She became very upset. "That boy is an angel, but his mother is a witch!" was all she would say. Mind you- we've each worked with this woman and her son many times- they're like family. The woman is the sweetest person in the world. I have NEVER heard her say anything that could even be considered PG13, much less curse. I mean- her and her son decided to sacrifice going to LA for pilot season this year just to be in our film, and he has a high chance of getting a couple projects.

We decided to heed her warning, but still keep the boy. She was not going to pull her son out anyway, she said she would work with the woman to work with us again. We thought- maybe it's not so bad.

Then we started to get OTHER reactions.

One mother went into hysterics. For the first call back she dropped her son off at Andy & Pete's apartment so that she would not have to go to location and bump into that woman. Another mother started to cry, saying that she wants her daughter to work with us but she can't bring herself to face that woman again. An ACTOR- a 12 yr. old BOY even- opposed the decision saying that the woman had slapped him once for no apparent reason.

So we held a meeting between the 4 of us and deliberated. She would be a distraction on set- but her son is a living miracle. She would be hard to handle- but the whole movie rides on the strength of the main boy's acting ability. Other mothers might start pulling out their children from the project- but ONE child is worth all of the others.

*sigh*

We decided to keep the boy. I am the producer, so it is ultimately my responsibility to handle the talent and the talent's representatives. Pete, Andy, and Erick will not have to deal with her. They are the ones who will have the creative parts of the movie on their shoulders. As long as I can keep this woman away from them and everyone else on the set it should be fine. I'm not too fond of this idea, but surprisingly the other three say I should be able to handle it.

"Remember when you battled President Flemming and won a bigger budget for the student films, and then went to CineVideoTech and got $900 worth of equipment for free?" They ask, "Or when Professor Goodly threatened to shut down the production of Jazzman after finding out that one of our actors was SAG, but you went head to head with him and convinced him to change his mind?"

Why... yes, actually- I do. And you know what? Who CARES if this woman is mean? Who CARES if she scares the mothers, or the actors? Not ME. This is MY production. I'M in charge. No god-hating, power-loving, hard-hearted BITCH is going to get in MY WAY. I RUN THIS SET. NO ONE CAN STEP OVER ME. So you know what?

She can go ahead and bring it on. I'm ready for her.

Trials of Error

So I had my production meeting today.

I'm the producer of an independent short film called "My Struggle." I can't tell you the synopsis because, frankly, I don't trust everybody that goes on the internet and I don't want the story idea stolen before we finish shooting :p

Anyway- we're at this meeting, not hurting anybody, when we get bad news. Lots of it. Lined up just for us. Lets see...hmm- where do I start? Um- my assistant producer quit stating 'homesickness' and went back to St. Lucia, our production designer quit for personal reasons, our AD (the best one ever by the way) can't be our AD anymore because he got a full time job at a tv station, our gaffer moved back to Venezuela, and our costume designer is stuck in the caribbean because her visa got revoked. Ha! Good one Destiny! Thanks a whole f*in lot!

Seriously-you should have seen our faces when we found out.

what a riot

So anyway... production has YET AGAIN been postponed. We can't go on without these people- these positions are the cement that make the foundation. You can't make a movie without them, and now (on the eve of rehearsals) we have to scramble to get second best.

*sigh* But that's okay. I went home and excersized and now I feel a lot better. Punching air during Billy Blanks' yells of motivation really can take the stress out of a person. I mean, if I can live in this world as an independent woman who can do 50 butt clenches while doing a high kick- how can I NOT be happy? Billy Blanks deserves some major ice cream cake for my happiness.

so anyway...

Oh yeah! Remind me tomorrow to tell you something I found out today that I can't tell you until tomorrow. It's some of the best news ever! But it's a surprise, so shhh!

Good night ya'll. I'm going to enjoy me some R&R.

Parking Situation

I excersized really late last night. It was a combination of laziness, fear of pain, and downright interesting television. So much so that it was around 1 in the morning before I finally got my shoes on and decided to pop in my TaeBo DVD.

Which meant that it was 3 in the morning when I finally went- showered and refreshed- to bed.

Bad idea Summer! God... when I woke up this morning my limbs hurt AND I was drowsy. I couldn't get off the bed until 9:30 and by then I realized that it was too late to do any kind of preparation so I just threw on my clothes and ran to my car. You see- I live about 15 minutes away from work but it usually takes 30 minutes to get there because I come home so late that I have to park my car at the top-most level of my parking garage and (long story short) it takes half the time to get OUT of my parking lot as it does actually GETTING to work.

:(

I rush to work. When I finally get here (I'm at work right now) it's like 2 minutes before 10 and I'm frazzled and tired and not paying attention. Stupid! And I park my car in between the 2 most gorgeous, classy, expensive cars I have ever seen.

You see... my production company resides in a building owned by a man who has single-handedly brought up his own multi-million dollar law firm. He is a cool guy, and his firm is the first branch of rooms in the building (ours is the last near the back door to make for easier equipment transportation). He dresses okay and is very quiet and polite so you think "hmm... maybe he's not so well-off after all" but BOY this man can pick a car! He has a car that hasn't even been RELEASED yet- it's a 2005 and he had it since I started in June. It's this gorgeous shimmery blue that cascades with colors when you look at it in the sun. Very nice, very sweet.

Another company that shares an address with mine is (again) another well-off business. It's a travel agency for the rich and adventurous. The man who owns this company is a bit older than the first, a whole lot skinnier, and just as soft spoken. And HIS car is a classic BMW with it's original paint job shined to look as nice-if not better- than the lawyer's car.

And both of these cars I usually stay away from. It's just hard to keep your head up high in a 98' Toyota Camry complete with war scars next to these cars- and it's nerve racking parking next to them.

Well... because of my stupid laziness last night I didn't notice until it was too late that I had parked right in between these two puppies. Ugh. Hopefully one of them leaves before me- I don't want to be backing up and accidentally brush auras them.

:(

Tales From An Office Assistant

Bored...

I've been at work since 10 in the morning (yeah- I get a late clock in time... cool, huh?) and since then and now I have done what people affectionately call a "whole lot of nothing." God. It's torture. My company is working on a bunch of huge projects right now and there's nothing but stress and chaos flying around while I- being the lowest rung of the paying ladder- am stuck taking messages, updating the ball point pen inventory, and making sure the coffee is hot.

Which it is, by the way.

Don't take me wrong- I am very greatful for this job. I'm the only one from my graduate class that has gotten a full time job in the field of Film and TV so far- and luckily, when it's not like this, I actually have a lot of really awesome work and projects to do. Like, for example, writing the pilot episode for a show we're planning on proposing to HBO. Or digitizing footage from a concert that I helped raise off of it's feet some way or another. Or SEEING the footage on TV, and calling my friends and bragging about it. I get a whole lot of experience that...

actually...

hold that thought...

I gotta go! Yay! Work!

Adventure in Drawing, and other things

I'm a huge fan of Michael Turner artwork and when I was really small I would be able to push out a replica of any Michael Turner female I saw in front of me.

That talent, it seems, is beyond my capabilities now.

I've been trying for the last hour to draw a Michael Turner woman and make her into a character in one of my stories. But my stupid hand is saying "Nope- none for you!" and it just isn't working. Have I lost my talent? Am I just out of practice? What is going on with my hand?

I dunno... I'll try again tomorrow.

So I finally started excersizing again today. Ran about a mile. Then came home and scarfed down more snack foods than I've eaten in the last month. It's like every time I give myself a break I experience a need to take that break and destroy it completely. But that's okay- I figure it's just the first day and I'll stop rebeling after I get into the groove of things.

I read on the blog main site that some lucky girl is getting her blogs published into a book. Wow. If I ever needed a reason to keep going on this thing- there it is. And I checked her stuff out... it's pretty interesting. Reading her stuff IS like reading a book, or kinda like watching Bridget Jones's Diary.

Current Addictions:
-Desperate Housewives
-white chocolate bars from Publix
-Cheddar cheese rice cakes
-sweating to Eminem's "Mosh"
-reinventing my daily habits
-corn

Could there ever be anything greater?

I dunno... I'm gonna go back to drawing.

Hyperballad

Listening to Bjork right now. I never thought I would say that- ever- but I stumbled upon this song on UM's college radio station and it intrigued me. I like fantasy, and this song seemed like a nice song to go with a fantasy story. It's like listening to a woman in a far away land discovering that her prince charming is even as interesting the morning after.

Darryl's old roommate Thiago was really into Bjork. He was really into everything, actually- at least everything I didn't think made sense unless you were one of those 'deep artists' types. He dressed like a skater, seemed like a white boy even though he was Brazilian, and he would be so surprising when you actually got to talk to him. Really into Bjork- had all of her albums.

He's of the group of people you miss when you realize that they aren't in your lives anymore.

I'm getting confused again. I want to go to Brown and study creative writing... get an MFA maybe. I'm not really hyped up about going back to college and doing all that work again though. It's becoming difficult to stay sane. I don't want to be a robot with a day job. I want to write and be creative and make movies.

Possibly in that order :)

I read Charlie in the Chocolate Factory today. Roald Dahl is one of the best writers bar none. Who cares if his stuff is for children, either? That's the best stuff to read in my opinion because children set out to get what they want and they have adventures surpassing their obstacles. Adults don't really know what they want and they don't experience any obstacles but their own excuses and little dramas as to why they think they're unhappy.

Sounds like me :p...

I need to start excersizing. I've gotten disgusting. I actually bought some ice cream today. Granted- I had a coupon that gave me a free gallon because some atm machine broke on me once... but I'm still being bad just accepting it. I should have maybe saved it as a Christmas gift for someone or something.

I dunno, ice cream's just hypnotizing like that. Maybe Bjork wasn't singing about a woman happy with her prince charming- maybe the woman was happy with her ice cream.

Just Write

I wanna be a writer.

No... author.

No... screenwriter.

AHHH, who cares? I want to make a living writing. A GOOD living. I want to be able to wake up in my mansion in the hills overlooking my own private beach, wrap myself up in a blanket, and write all day.

I probably want that more than anything else in life.

So how to do it? I dunno. I look it up on the internet and every author out there says WRITE. WRITE EVERYDAY. They say a bunch of other things too (like get training, knowledge, an interesting life, a job in the field...) but the only thing I don't do from it all is actually write.

So here it goes- I'm writing.

I actually wrote a lot today. At work my boss always told me he wishes someday that my time at work can be spent writing more and doing office 'chores' less. I thought that would take years... but apparently that only took will.

I told myself I was going to write today, and somehow the cosmos decided that I would have the time I needed to finish my goal.

See... we're a production company. As a production company, you want to get yourself involved in new projects all of the time. If you're lucky- your own projects. And my boss hired me for that reason. He never had writers at his company, he wanted to start a tv series, and he liked my writer.

And today I actually got to get some stuff done.

And you know what? It was the single best day I have ever had at any job in my life. I felt blessed.

:)

Hopefully I'll get more days like today.