Excerpts...

...from an online conversation with Urban. It gets very political, slightly public broadcast formulaic at times, but I'm proud of it. It's a good indication of what me and my friends concern ourselves with in Lala land.

BTW: I'm real proud of Angel and her new job. She's directly effecting what Urban and I (below) are fighting for.

P.S.S. Angel: I agree with your point in Pan's Labyrinth but since it is a fairytale told mostly from the perspective of a very sad little girl, the Queen part (albeit sappy) fits for me.

.....

AIM IM with UrbanEsMalo.
12:24 PM


Summer Berdin: so i have an interview tomorrow for an environmental activist job
Summer Berdin: my friend told me something that shocked me
Summer Berdin: i'm a vegan
Summer Berdin: if i get the job i would be a vegan environmental activist

UrbanEsMalo: ?

Summer Berdin: conclusive statement: I would be the most annoying person in the world

UrbanEsMalo: if you became a paid activist you would become my tool

Summer Berdin: your tool?

UrbanEsMalo: there were activists outside of trader joes on the weekend
UrbanEsMalo: trying to talk to me about global warming

Summer Berdin: ah lol

UrbanEsMalo: so I said to val, I can't take this, I have to talk with them
UrbanEsMalo: and the guy got me so pissed cause he had no idea what was really going on
UrbanEsMalo: so if you became an activist, we'd have to have lots of sit downs to make sure you were just throwing up what the government wants people to believe
UrbanEsMalo: or, you could listen to the alex jones show every day
UrbanEsMalo: and become a REAL activist, and get paid for it through that other company
UrbanEsMalo: and I would love you forever for it

Summer Berdin: before you go on a rant, the job is not for kids handing out brochures

UrbanEsMalo: whats it for?

Summer Berdin: i dont exactly know WHAT the job is yet, but if it's that then I sure as hell am not taking it
Summer Berdin: handing out paper had never been my definition of "helping the cause"

UrbanEsMalo: would you like to listen to the show anyway?
UrbanEsMalo: or you wanna talk about global warming?

Summer Berdin: no, im not listening to any show

UrbanEsMalo: So you're saying you want to talk about global warming with me?

Summer Berdin: sure, right now?

UrbanEsMalo: better late than never, right?
UrbanEsMalo: whats causing it? co2 right?
UrbanEsMalo: what I am trying to talk about is the global warming that is all over the news media these days and the one that theyre talking about in congress and trying to pass laws on
UrbanEsMalo: global warming is real, but it's cause is a fraud
UrbanEsMalo: just like your article says, cow farts does more than cars
UrbanEsMalo: and even though all this shit is happening, the hottest tempeture on record was in the 1960s

Summer Berdin: so then what's really going on?

UrbanEsMalo: the Fact on global warming is that the sun is having one of its radiation cycles. Scientists have found ice caps melting on other planets
UrbanEsMalo: the solar system is warming
UrbanEsMalo: Now, i'm not saying that everything in your article isn't important. It's paramount. It's our air quality, water quality, bio diversity, the most important things in the world
UrbanEsMalo: but its not global warming
UrbanEsMalo: Global warming has been hijacked by the politicians and theyve gone from saying it doesnt exist, just two years ago, to saying its going to kill us all
UrbanEsMalo: why? Because their solution is a carbon tax
UrbanEsMalo: they want to tax people on their carbon emissions
UrbanEsMalo: but 300 some odd countries are exempt from this
UrbanEsMalo: why? Because America has been deindustrialized. All our industrial jobs are in third world countries and China
UrbanEsMalo: all our low end jobs are going to illegal immigrants who are getting money from Wells Fargo and Bank of America to come in and set up roots
UrbanEsMalo: what does that leave for us? Tech jobs? No, those are exported to india remember?
UrbanEsMalo: All that will be left is government jobs and the wierd odds and ends

Summer Berdin: thats dumb. instead of finding a way to stop the carbon emissions they tax people on them? plus, Bush refused to sign the UN treaty on lowing emissions coming from the US because he said "if China wont, we wont" so is he gonna tax us?

UrbanEsMalo: Add to that our carbon tax and high gas prices, we can now no longer travel far. Experts are saying in 30 years only the rich can afford to travel by plane. There is legislature being set up all over the country to set up toll booths on major highways that we've already paid for
UrbanEsMalo: those toll booths will also be equiped with scanning cameras, check points, you name it
UrbanEsMalo: so now theyre carbon taxing us and toll roading us on roads we've already paid for
UrbanEsMalo: the dollar has been devalued by over 70% of what it was worth just 30 years ago

Summer Berdin: so basically what you're saying is that this whole "global warming" thing is just a tool for the rich to getting a firmer hold on the people and, basically, keep getting rich

UrbanEsMalo: there is a massive globalist scheme that you can see signs off in every news article in order to turn us into indentured servants. You can't rule a people unless you oppress them

Summer Berdin: the people are fully oppressed already, they love being oppressed
Summer Berdin: (not saying it as a good thing, just as fact)

UrbanEsMalo: look at the dumb shit happening in schools these days? Kids are being conditioned by police to rat on their parents and get arrested for the stupedist shit

Summer Berdin: but does that mean any efforts made by grassroots companies to stop global warming is null and void because it's not happening? it's still a problem, isn't it?
Summer Berdin: yes, it is
Summer Berdin: so what's to be done... obviously the government cant be trusted (which should have been obvious since the day Bush became president anyway)
Summer Berdin: are we discussing global warming or something else, Urb?

UrbanEsMalo: What can we do against the sun? Grass roots movements had global warming as a buzzword and it's been hijacked to be used against us. Grass roots neeed to fight for Air quality because kids in LA are asmatic, water quality because there is no excuse for having floride and mercury in our water supply when both chemicals have been shown to have adverse effects on the brain
UrbanEsMalo: biodiversity to promote growth in third world economies

Summer Berdin: they do... it's all under the umbrella of "stopping global warming" but all of those issues are being looked into

UrbanEsMalo: anti bio engineering of our food
UrbanEsMalo: global warming is an excuse for a tax that they feed into
UrbanEsMalo: educate people about the real issues and not umbrella topics

Summer Berdin: the phrase "global warming" may be a con used by politicians or what not, but it's also used by well-meaning people to get done what needs to be gotten done done
Summer Berdin: it's their biggest weapon to "scare" the masses into finally getting up and helping

UrbanEsMalo: so become the devil in order to fight the devil?

Summer Berdin: otherwise, the masses would just sit on their couches watching tv saying "woe is me". with the phrase "global warming" there is a new urgency that can be used for good

UrbanEsMalo: what happens when global warming is exposed for what it is? The environmentalist movement would come under question as well
UrbanEsMalo: its not being used for good though

Summer Berdin: not become the devil, just use the devil's tools for good is all

UrbanEsMalo: its being used to further an oppressive and secret agenda

Summer Berdin: it's like in chinese sword fighting. if you don't have a weapon to counter your attacker's sword, use your hands to cradle the attack and push it back at him. use his weapon against him

UrbanEsMalo: thats heralding a golden calf though
UrbanEsMalo: when its exposed for a lie, you fall with it

Summer Berdin: i doubt it will get "exposed". if it does, then it wont be anytime soon- it's too profitable

UrbanEsMalo: and every "good" thing theyre trying to do
UrbanEsMalo: youre feeding into it

Summer Berdin: that doesn't mean you should stop trying to help
Summer Berdin: if there is a system going on, and you can't destroy the system, you work around it

UrbanEsMalo: I never said that

Summer Berdin: if it gets exposed, the people will be looking more at the politicians than anything

UrbanEsMalo: you START trying to help with the real issues
UrbanEsMalo: how is mercury poisoning in infants any less important than global warming?

Summer Berdin: and if they look at the grassroots companies, who cares? the whole essence of grassroots is fallible... hense "grassroots". they can start afresh with whatever new government scheme is going on and fight from there
Summer Berdin: it's not any less important

UrbanEsMalo: I never said that either

Summer Berdin: so what are you trying to say?
Summer Berdin: there are companies that revolve around those issues
Summer Berdin: but a company that tries to deal with all issues instead of just focusing on one will not get anything done

UrbanEsMalo: you dont lie to people, simple as that

Summer Berdin: ah
Summer Berdin: yes you do, urban
Summer Berdin: people, singular, as good and well meaning and smart

UrbanEsMalo: I never said deal with one issue
UrbanEsMalo: you've gotten all these misleading ideas from what I was saying

Summer Berdin: but people en mass... they don't think individually, but with mass hysteria
Summer Berdin: lying is sometimes essential... but it should not be done often and should not be done for profit
Summer Berdin: using the global warming umbrella might be lying but it's not completely a bad thing

UrbanEsMalo: it is when its also being used to oppress people

Summer Berdin: thats like flavoring medicine with cherry sugar. the child knows the medicine is good for him and will ultimately make his life easier, but he needs the added gloss to willingly take it in
Summer Berdin: he KNOWS he needs it
Summer Berdin: but the sugar helps

UrbanEsMalo: by doing so you comply with what they want, to create a pan american highway, police checkpoints, toll roads on existing roads, and turning the populace into willing serfs
UrbanEsMalo: don't get me started on what pharmasutical companies are really doing

Summer Berdin: global warming is just 2 words put together for sugar, but the problems are out there. why not use the sugar to help the people swallow the issues?

UrbanEsMalo: does sugar make slavery easier to accept?
UrbanEsMalo: cause tahts how its being used

Summer Berdin: no, but the companies that help the government obviously arent doing their jobs

UrbanEsMalo: nor will they, theyre paid Not to

Summer Berdin: true (non-funded by the government) grassroots companies know better

UrbanEsMalo: I would have hoped so, but those fliar kids said otherwise
UrbanEsMalo: also, lots of these supposed grass roots joints are funded by the CIA to advance an agenda

Summer Berdin: its a shame that others have sunken to govenment depths, but what can you do? that'll always happen, no matter what is going on

UrbanEsMalo: the woman who started the femenist movement has openly stated the CIA paid her to do it
UrbanEsMalo: thats the core of the issue summer
UrbanEsMalo: what can you do?
UrbanEsMalo: You become educated
UrbanEsMalo: you tell people whats really happening
UrbanEsMalo: you spread the word
UrbanEsMalo: thats all
UrbanEsMalo: ignorance is power in the hands of a few
UrbanEsMalo: they get away with everything, because people can't believe it, don't care, or are just flat ignorant to whats going on
UrbanEsMalo: Have i told you the stuff Merck was doing with the cervical cancer shot?

Summer Berdin: yes

UrbanEsMalo: how they lobbied the governor of texas to make it mandated?

Summer Berdin: in texas
Summer Berdin: yes

UrbanEsMalo: and it was causing girls to bleed out
UrbanEsMalo: Guess what, we're beating it. The Merck CEO announced she was stepping down
UrbanEsMalo: that theyre going to stop lobbying for it
UrbanEsMalo: why? You get people to talk
UrbanEsMalo: thats it

Summer Berdin: well, im hoping the job i get tomorrow will be to help inform the people, not confuse them into submission

Awww... how cute

I walk into my room and Cleo's butt is sticking out from under my bookcase, tail dancing in the wind.

She must have found the leopard print mouse toy.

Random:
- 2 of the 3 40watt lightbulbs in the bathroom were out, so I replaced them with 3 60watt FUSION RAY bulbs. Now everytime I flip the switch it's so bright it's bordering on the obscene.
- Me and Louie hung out for a day. Like- Hung Out. Like- at the mall and the arcade and stuff. AWESOME. Haven't done that in years!
- It's 1AM and I work tomorrow morning (part-time Spa job). Why am I still up? Because of 10 Things I Hate About You. And I'm loving every second of it.
- I made the most awesomely thorough, completely conclusive 'Character Developement' packets EVER IN LIFE tonight. I should patent them! (Hopefully fullcircle.com doesn't mind that I stole 99% of it from them haha.) Character bios here I come!

Refreshing Honesty at Night

My last week at E! was (predictably) busy, but the anxiety was brought to climatic upheaval because of the recent death of Anna Nicole Smith. All around me people were cursing her name due to the added amounts of quick turnaround work dealt their way by her passing. Because of my leaving I was left out of all but the urgent projects, so my mindset tackling each job was different and not so personal.

And it was sad, watching the people around me.

I might have said this before, but E! Entertainment is to TV like MacDonalds is to a well-balanced diet. It's quick, mindless, and not healthy for you. Despite the good gloss it has going to make it look respectable (like popular host Ryan Seacrest), it still- deep down- is no better than the National Enquirer. I have worked on projects that have picked at and scrutinized people SO MUCH (for everything from physical looks to personality to talent) that the average person without "celebrity status" would have had good cause to file harrassment claims- and WIN, no less- against the channel. It's quite bad, and emotionally unstable people (like Anna Nicole), who obviously need some personal time and space to deal with their problems, are batted around viciously without the blink of an eye for the hopes of "good ratings" .

My coworkers (and probably me as well, if I had not been quiting) instead of having some sense of respect for the dead, sat on the day of Anna Nicole's death and cursed her name... and the work they were responsible for making aided to more public speculation and scrutiny of the now dead ANS by the millions of viewers who gobbled up the gossip that night.

Like a black hole, I guess.

Anyway, Pete showed me something quite refreshing today. Craig Ferguson from the Late Late Show recently opened an episode with a different kind of monologue - a heartfelt one, dealing kinda with the same issue that I just mentioned. You can see it here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bbaRyDLMvA

It's nice to see. Chris told me once that my work at E! was not pointless... otherwise "how else would you have known how stupid all that stuff was?"

Better words were never said, sir. If I had never worked there, I would still be watching that tripe today. Maybe that's why I've become so 'environmentally & politically boheme'. :)

Random:
- Speaking of boheme, I've applied for an environmental activist job where I'd be making brochures and speaking to people to raise public awareness about ways to cut down on pollution (and to get their votes in for new regulations!) in the state of California. If I got it, I would be a Vegan Environmental Activist. Weird. James put it nicely: "You would be the most annoying person on earth." Haha.
- It's weird that once I get out of the daily grind Angel gets into it. Let's hope the tables completely turn and I get an exciting travel job!
- Started character outlines & bios! As soon as these are done (shooting for friday) I can start writing the first draft of the book! HELLZ YEAH!

Transition

The last 3 weeks have been so.... weird. No. Hectic? No. Exciting? No.

Transitional.

To start off with: I quit E!.

Friday was my last day. Wow... let me say that again. Friday was my last day. Wow.

Seeing as I try to be professional with things of that matter, I gave in my two weeks notice two weeks ago. But I said I've had 3 random weeks, so let's back track a bit.

Events in chronological order, from past to present:

Fri, Sat, Sun - We filmed Peter's movie "The Punching Dummy"
Sat - Andy came back from Switzerland for 2 weeks
Mon - Started the 2nd draft of my book's outline
Wed - Mental breakdown at work, a public fight with bossman Bryan, and walked out
Thurs - Began an internship helping a vegan chef write her first book
Sat - Filmmaker House BarBQ celebration
Sun - Filmmaker House Superbowl BarBQ
Mon - Turned in 2 weeks notice
Tues - Halfway through 2nd draft outline
Wed - CSI location scouts knock on our door and ask if they can film at our house
Fri - CSI crew bring in plants and background material
Sat - Bye Bye Andy :(
Sat #2 - Rikka's in from Finland! Spend night with her
Sun - Work the Grammy's (12 hours, bleh- 2pm to 2am)
Mon - 5am CSI comes to house, films all day
Mon #2 - Saw Pan's Labyrinth
Tues, Wed, Thurs - Interview, after Interview, after Interview
Thurs #2 - Goodbye lunch with E! crew
Thurs #3 - Finish 2nd Outline of Book!!!
Fri - Last day. Surprise goodbye cake from E! crew, Drinks at night
Sat - Depression
Sun - Clean my room
Today - Excitement. Possibly start first draft of book?!

*whew*

Putting everything in a list like that is kinda cool in a way- you can see (a little) how the events in my life connected and led up to E!'s ultimate demise. It was full of signs from above showing me what I came to California (and am ultimately not working some random job at home) for.

The 2 most common questions I got in my last 2 weeks at E! were: "Why?" and "Where are you going next?", to which I would reply:

"I'm writing a book and need more time to work on it. I'll just get temp jobs or small jobs until it's done."

This is true. I want to finish my book before June (so I can shop it around for the rest of the year and hopefully have it published before my 25th birthday in 2008). Working at E! is a hinderance because I know too much about my job and naturally am inclined to work as hard as I can to get it done, which includes my own insane insistance on helping during my off-hours.

But something else made me quit too. Bryan thinks it's because we fought (I know he does, even though he says he doesn't). Not true. I'm ashamed of the fact that I had to walk out of my job- it shows a lack of dependibility on my part- but I'm glad I did. To be dramatic: it was a turning point.

I was mad initially because of something stupid... someone had called me in the morning to ask for help on something. I'm the only person who knows about certain aspects of my job so naturally people will (and do) call. But that day I was tired from having stayed up all night for the last 4 nights working on Peter's film and my book outline, and being woken up during my first few hours of sleep for the week was unpleasant.

So it all spiraled out of control and I went home. And after simmering, I had a good think. And voila! Turning point:

I work hard enough at E! to ask for a raise.

I shudder now to remember it. After a weekend chalk full of creativity, and a Monday and Tuesday of self-art progression, my first thought when it came to work was "more money." I had become corporate. The temp job I had taken for the sake of "making the rent" a year and a half ago (the one I had refused to be promoted in for almost 2 months because of my fear of become familiar) had now become some obsessive materialistic means to an end. Think Devil Wears Prada.

That weekend, when I realized what I had become, I wrote my resignation letter.

Of course, when people at E! asked me why I was leaving, I took out that part :)

Anywhoo, pictures:

Behind the Scenes of "The Punching Dummy":








Andy was back! (For just 2 weeks). Here he is saying hello to my computer:



Behind the Scenes of CSI "Episode 18":






Here's some footage I took of them filming a take with Gary Dourdan:



What's next for me? I'll work temp jobs or whatever to make the bills, and focus on writing my book. At the guidance of the vegan chef lady, I'm going on a "cleanse" for the next 2 weeks - where I don't eat anything and drink healthy mixes of herb drinks to flush my system of impurities - and then the week after that I'll be in San Fransisco working in Wondercon. And hopefully after that my short film, Peter's short film, and Louie's short film will all be a part of the Filmmaker's House First Annual Film Festival. Productive, eh?

Random:
- God it feels good to be back on my blog
- Brandi started a "Brandi and Kevin wedding blog" for her bridesmaids so that we can communicate with each other ideas and such. I gotta remember to write on that.
- I saw Famke Jenssen (at a VEGAN restaurant no less!) and Cuba Gooding Jr!
- Pan's Labyrinth is the best movie I've seen in a long time... it's definitely above Little Miss Sunshine, Children of Men and The Departed.
- I ate so much in the last 2 weeks (stress) that this cleanse will do me good. Hopefully I'll take off those added pounds.
- Lea Salonga is my new favorite of the month. Besides the fact that she was the one who sang my favorite rendition of Les Miz's "On My Own" (as well as being THE voice for Jasmine in "A Whole New World"), she's the most important and influential Filipino figure on Broadway today. Hell, she's probably the only filipino figure on Broadway today. This is her, singing "On My Own":